GO NOW

Went to see Mamma Mia on Friday. It was my present to Peter celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. I have two words for you.

GO.
NOW.

I'll wait. But tickets. now...go! Shoo. What are you waiting for?

This was really THE - BEST - SHOW - EEEEEVERRRR. It's funny, exciting and brilliantly executed. The troupe that we saw at Gammage was amazing. It was a perfect night.

I dare anyone to go and not love this production. Yes, it's that good.

Noooooooooooo

This post on Angie's Blog made my little heart skip a beat...and even caused an-ever-so-small flicker of baby-wants.

Me no want more babies.

But I gotta say, there aren't many things as cute as a baby sleeping on a man. Oh heck, a baby sleeping anywhere :)

Off to daycare, or the mall, or Peter Piper Pizza to rid my brain of these evil evil thoughts! ;)

feeling better

Thanks so much (again) for the thoughts and prayers. Knowing y'all have my back gives me tremendous strength. tremendous strength! I love you for it.

On a completely unrealted and irrelevant note, Kerry don't lie Holy crap. Went to Target today and I could actually feel the skin on my arms melting. craziness. It's times like that I have to force myself to remember that Beth's weatherpixie dude whose name I can't remember wears T-shirts in December while everyone else is covered in snow. Two more months..only two more months.

One of these days I'll have a good picture of something that's actually mine...like the cover of the book!!! :)

results

It's official. My dad has cancer on his pancreas and liver. damn.

damn damn damn.

So apparently not talking about it didn't make it not real. I think I really thought it might help. But no. Dude's been handed a death sentence.

I won't lie. I'm devastated. I could barf I'm so profoundly sad. pro-fucking-foundly sad. Literally. I'm like nauseous. It's a sadness I didn't know I could feel.

Something seems harder about this than when my Mom died. Maybe it's because that was 7 years ago and the pain has faded. But see, with my mom, on some level, it was a relief. I mean she was so SO sick for oh so long that she deserved some peace. Don't get me wrong, I miss her like crazy, it was just different.

This is just such a shock. My dad's been battling back since his flatlining episode in 2000. He's been kicking ass and taking names. All that to get cancer. And it's on his pancreas to boot. That's the like big mamma jamma cancers. ugh...

He's actually doing really well. He's somehow at peace with what's going on. He keeps saying, "No matter what happens it will be okay". And he's right. It will be. But damn, why do I have to be orphaned. Why don't my girls get to have any freaking grandparents. Not one. Noah has one grandma living, but shit, he should have SIX! (Y'all get the math on that one??? don't feel like drawing up a flow chart of my family *wink*)

Noah's the one that hurts me the most. He shouldn't have to suffer such a deep loss at 8. He should be able to continue building his friendship with grandpa. He'll feel the loss. He'll know what he's missing. And that, my friends, completely breaks my heart.

shit, okay. I'm okay....breathe....I have to tell you that there is some good news. The doctors were more optimistic than I expected them to be. Dad has already started the chemo prep stuff and averages indicate that he could be around for 1-2 years. This is AMAZING news. I was thinking 6 months at the max. Of course, it could always be that quick, but then it could be longer too.

So please bear with me while I take this ride with my dad. This ride that has only one ending. I am weak and I'll need you. I believe him when he says it will be okay. But right now, I can't even imagine...

stepping out!

Okay, first, THANK YOU for like everything. Y'all rock. Seriously, I don't deserve you.

Next, I'm feeling better tonight. For a couple reasons, I'm thinking. Partly because I'm simply cried out (for now at least). I spent yesterday on the couch in the fetal position bawling and holding on the my favorite blanket. No, I'm not kidding. But I needed it (the PMS prolly didn't help matters) and I'm feeling like I can at least shower and be semi-productive.

But mainly I'm feeling better because I'm going to California this weekend. Flight leaves at 7:40 am tomorrow. Going to see my Dad for a bit before I head to up to the mountains for my 20 year high school reunion Saturday night. Scary! hahaha It'll be a long weekend with much driving but I'm looking forward to it. It'll be good to see everyone I grew up with...and even better to give my padre a humungous huge!

So while I've been gone for a while quietly licking my wounds, I'll be gone again partying it up. My dad and I have vowed to make this a fun trip. He's down right giddy with the restaurant choices he's got going on! I love him.

I'll leave you with an amazingly crappy pictures of the adorable "prayer flowers"

Kaelene brought over for me tonight. She told me, "every time you look at them know that we are praying for you" CRAP! so much for being cried out! But these are tears of hope! Love you guys!

See ya Monday!

just pray

I can't talk about it yet - only because the fear of making it real - But if you pray, how however you communicate with a high power, if you would do that for my dad (and me and my bro) right now that would be great.

I won't lie - shit ain't good.

taking a break

I've got too much going on. Wanted to let y'all know (all what? 5 of you HAHA) that I need to handle some stuff around here and need to not worry about posting.

I'll be back ... yes, that was an arnold voice :)