Saturday, July 30, 2005

you want how much?

As some of you know, I'm completely addicted to It' s mainly my love for furniture that keeps me coming back again and again. What I find interesting about that site (and if you don't know - it's pretty much an online garage sale) is what people will sell. Or, more accurately, the VALUE people place on their crap.

and some of it's down right CRAP.

How much would you expect to pay for someone else's crap? You might be surprised at how much people are asking for (and not negotiating) their trash. Mind you, I might not think it's crap. I may actually want it. But that doesn't mean I'm going to pay retail for it. Hell, I'm not going to pay HALF retail for it. Or a quarter retail. And frankly, I don't care WHAT you paid for it. Could give a RAT'S ASS. What you paid for it has NOTHING to do with what I'm willing to pay. Or for what the item is actually WORTH! So don't even tell me, I don't care!

I'll offer you what it's worth...same as I would if I drove up to your yard sale and you were sitting in the heat wishing the day was over so you could close the garage door, get a cold beer, order a pizza, bitch about how cheap people are and berating your wife because it was her idea to buy furniture in the first place.

And don't go thinking you're not cheap too. If you weren't cheap your punk ass wouldn't be listing your junk online hoping to recoop a little mula because you got a crappy deal and The Room Store. You're as cheap as the rest of us. So get over your bad self and list that raggety old couch and lamp set for what it's worth. In case you don't know. A couch is 100 bucks MAX, that's in perfect condidtion and without a big dip where your fat ass always sat. If it's in shitty condition (and YES, rips and wear on the arms means it's in shittign condition) it's 50...if not 35. And a lamp is 10 bucks, 15 MAX. NOT 50 - ever.

get over it.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

"junior's dad was smooshed and died"

Yep, that's what he said. My 6 year old little boy who, because of his dad likes Nascar, calmly explained to me that his favorite driver "Junior's Dad" is still his favorite. This is despite the fact that he isn't driving anymore because he "ran into a wall and was smooshed and died".

When he got a little sad that he would never see his favorite driver on the track again he said, "but it's okay Mommy because he's right here next to me. Everyone in Heaven is right here next to me. Junior's Dad, my grandmas, God and Jesus too." Our conversation about a terrible car crash ended with my son, and me, quietly smiling about all those 'by our side.'

Today I felt like I've done something right. I needed that.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I've decided

I need to take more pictures. Those amazing kind that people gasp when they see. The kind that really capture the essense of the subject and still look arty at the same time.

I need to do that.

I sure wish I knew how to do that.

Monday, July 18, 2005


Funny how something as nasty as lemons (yeah okay I don't like lemons, hate me!) can be turned into something so wonderful as this lemon bundt cake masterpiece that can be found at Costco for a mere $7.50. Or was it $6.49? OH well anyway...this stuff is GREAT.

My friend, Kerry, hooked me up with this delightful blend of sugar and lemon and fat. Well I call her my friend but if she was really my friend she would never have done something so evil as give me this. I mean REALLY! She KNOWS I can't resist sweets (not that I've ever tried!) She KNOWS I'm completely obsessive compulsive. These are two traits which don't blend well. Or blend TOO WELL depending on which side of the fork you're on.

Anyway, this cake is proof that you can make anything taste good if you add enough sugar and fat. (or cheese and fat if you're broccoli, but that's another post)

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

still laughing

I just read yesterday's post again. Damn that's funny. What's really amazing is that in all those words there is only ONE period - swear - I checked! HAHAHaa.... I think that's hysterical.

What's even funnier (odd funny, not funny haha) is that having no periods didn't even bother me. I can almost see this guy standing in the dark behind safeway telling this story to no one and doing it without taking a breath.

Well it's lunch and Kate's hungry. Time I stop surfing CL is feed the chillins.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

So I can't sleep and I'm cruising around on - my new addiction! Anyway, there's a "best of" section that has tons of funny crap. Yesterday's funny was a little long for here but this one was perfect! Enjoy! :)

This is a true story swear to God

I work at Safeway in Strawberry and last night around 1:30am I was putting out the last of the empty veggie crates out back and I here this PSSSSST coming from somewhere in the parking lot and a few seconds later a woman in her mid-thirties peeks her head from the driver window of her car about 15 yards away and says SO ARE YOU DOWN WITH THE LADIES and I was all WHAT? and she says YOU HEARD ME and I say I GUESS SO, WHY and she says BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE and I didn't know what to say so she gets out of her car and walks towards me and I can see as she gets closer that she is beautiful except for the WHOLE LEFT SIDE OF HER SCALP IS SHAVED AND THE OTHER HALF IS FEATHERED SHOULDER LENGTH just like Kristy McNichol way back when and she's holding two huge tweezers - swear - like the biggest tweezers you have EVER SEEN and they are hooked together by a thick black cord and I started to freak inside a little bit thinking this is not the way I want to die out back behind Safeway smelling like rotten spinach leaves and bludgeoned to death by a pair of tweezers so I say WHAT'S UP? in a deep voice and she keeps walking towards me and when she's about 10 feet away she says with a smile THIS LADY NEEDS A JUMP START and lifts up the tweezers and I see that it's actually just a pair of jumper cables and inside I was like OH MY GOD I'M A MORON and exhaled a deep breath and say SURE so I grab my truck and drive it next to hers and help her jump her car but I was too afraid to ask what's up with the half shaved scalp before she winked and said THANKS MAN and drove off. Anyway back to cruising the personals just thought I'd give you a break.

it's official

I can't keep up.

Not sure how it happened...that I keep falling behind. But it does. It's maddening and frustrating and confusing all at the same time.

I tell myself, and my boss who's frustrated that my #'s are down, and my husband who's angry because SRP came to the door, and friends who NEVER get thank you notes from me, and the lawn man who wants paid - for the last 2 months, and the dry cleaner who's doing a rush order "for the last time this time" for me because I forgot to drop of Peter's shirts 2 days ago, that I'll do better. I tell them all that it's because I've been pregnant for 2 years. I say it again and again like someday it will become truth.

I lie to myself that between Kindergarden and karate and dentists and shots and meetings and work and play and this and the other thing that I'll somehow get it all done.

then I forget...

then it's too late....

and I beat myself up.
how do y'all do it? How do you update your blogs with amazing and funny or touching and heartfelt stories? How do you cook meals for your family that include all the food groups? Or hell, even half of the food groups? How do you handmake incredibly thoughtful gifts to give to your friends and family for no other reason than they are around? How do you keep your car clean, your house clean, your children clean, your SELF clean??? How do you reply to every RSVP, send out birthday cards, thank you cards, Christmas cards, baby shower cards, wedding cards, graduation cards, thinking of you cards, just for the halibut cards????? aauughhh!!!

how? I can't do it. I can't do HALF of it.'s been an overwhelming day. or decade.

Saturday, July 02, 2005


ignore me