Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I keep meaning to post...

I really mean to come here and post crap. But once I sit down and actually open the page to start bloggin I realize that everything I have to say really is crap. haha And no one wants that right?

Or if you do, read on. And if you don't - well then screw you too!! HAHAHA NAHH.... joking - MERRY CHRISTMAS a day late.

------ This week has been pretty fun, so far. My boss closes the office between Christmas and New Year's so I've got 11 days off. I have the best boss EV-VER!

------ Started off the holidays with a bowling trip with the office. Nothing like whoopin it up with my fun co-workers and starting a bar tab at 2 in the afternoon! hahhaaa Partied it up like a RockStar! Which reminds, I have the best husband EV-VERRRR too!!! I'm pretty damn lucky.

------ Peter and I finished our shopping early, for us anyways. Early is like on the 20th (I can almost see Maddy twitching). So we had a couple days of NOT running around like freaks - which pretty much rocked. To top it off we even wrapped them early. And yeah, you guessed it, for us early is any day that ISN'T Christmas Eve. We wrapped them all on the 23rd. It was pretty much kick ass that we - err *I* - didn't have to stay up till 1:30am wrapping presents. I almost didn't know what to do with my self the night before Christmas.

------ Christmas rocks. It always does but this year I was scared. First one without Dad. I survived. We all did. I made Christmas dinner - an all time first in this house. I made one of our family favorites - Heart Attack Chicken (well it's real name is Chicken Surpreme but if you knew how it was made you'd understand why we changed it) Anyway, made it in honor of my Mom and Dad. I rocked it and no one had an actual heart attack (yet)

------ On to presents. This year we went with a family games theme. No, we don't usually do themed gift giving but this year Peter and I both felt we needed to really embrace (and force if need be) family time. With me half off my rocker cuz Dad the family unit has suffered - so time to put it back together. We got a Wii for the family room. This is the best gaming system ON THE FREAKING PLANET!!! Sarah - the 4 yo - and I can play the same game and neither wants to kill the other. How's that for perfect family time?

------ Peter knocked it out of the park as usual. I have a gold charm bracelet we started when we got serious. We've been buying charms but haven't had them put on. This year he had it all assembled and got a gaggle of new ones. As I was checking it out, finding the newbies (which included a cross, killer jointed turtle - my all time favorite animal, and a baby head for Kate) I found the center to be a computer. I thought it was to symbolize my work as a designer until Peter told me to turn it over. The back reads "BILL 1942-2007" Yeah, LOST IT. He was an Engineer and Computer Programmer. Fitting that it's the center charm. See why I said I have the best hubby ever?! BOO-YAHH!!! Now I can't wait to get one for my mom...thinking knitting needles or something.... :)

------ I rocked the house with my big gift for Peter. Managed to get FLOOR TICKETS to Blue Man Group. They are in Phx mid January for one show. He was pumped - and completely surprised. Yeah, I kick ass! hahaha

Well that's about it...pretty sure I'm only talking to myself at this point LOL. Oh wait - have I told you lately that I love you people!?!?! well I do. LOVE!


Monday, December 17, 2007

back to life

I must join the land of the living.

Been a while since I posted. I know none of you are surprised. Been a hard couple weeks, but even so, been an exciting couple weeks.

thanks to all who were so supportive after the loss of my father. Thanks to Maddy, Shanna and beth (and Kaelene even though I cancelled) for bringing delicious dinner for the family. YUMMY! It was nice to not have to worry about that.

Had a great time up at Lisa's, But y'all already know about all that LOL

We have Noah's Christmas pagent tomorrow. Sarah and Kate's was last friday. Here are some pictures of that.

Sarah was Mary in the first Act.

Then both were snowmen. No pic of Sarah - not sure how that happened. They did the cutest little Christmas version of I'm a little teapot but changed it to "I'm a little snowman, short and fat. Here are my buttons, here is my hat." something something something...sarah's not here or I'd would ask her.

Then Sarah was a raindeer. The did the "hokey Pokey raindeer dance" Too cute!
I'm going back into the office truesdays, thursday and fridays. That started last week and it went pretty well.

At some point they all came out and sang some song and make a boat load of noise. It was a riot! Even if I didn't understand a single word :)

Not much else that's I guess I'll leave you with this goofy picture of Sarah.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

not as seen on TV

I've learned that death, like childbirth, is NOT as shown on TV.

No point in explaining in detail the differences, just know that just as you do no push out your first baby out in 2 pushes, you do not say goodbye to your loved ones then watch as they close their eyes and die.

The human body is an amazing thing and it takes much to break it down. Long after the spirit has left does the body give up the fight.

Okay, so obviously, my Dad's battle is over. He passed tonight (saturday) at 6:08 pm. After 3 intense days at Hospice and 2 before in the hospital, his body and mind surrendered to the cancer which infultrated his body.

I am almost energentic from the relief. Clearly, it has not hit me yet. I trust it will and reserve the right to completley crack. In the meantime, here's a writing that I read our first night at Hospice. I made sense then and comforts my heart now.

an excerpt from Gone from My Sight: The Dying Experience
by Barbara Karnes

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side
spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty
and strength. I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where
the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in
mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and
she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her
destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the
moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

I will miss my Daddy for the rest of my life. There will be many things about him that bring me peace, I'm sure, but for now I'm content with the knowledge that he's finally reunited with my Mom and that they are dancing together forever with all the knowledge of the universe.

bye bye daddy. I love you. Thank you - you taught me well. I will see you again, although hopefully not for a long long time.