people are funny

and by funny I mean "dumbasses who don't listen"

okay, I'll be fair. Not all people are "funny" just those who work at DirecTV. Oh HELL, not even all those people are "funny". But for sure the last 5 people I've dealt with are.

Part of the scrapbook room remodel included getting cable (er, satellite) in that room. This required a call to DirecTV. I'm not normally one to complain about service people like this. Hell, they are just trying to make a buck like the rest of us. Nor does the whole outsourcing to India really effect me too much. Or so I thought.

This call lasted 45 minutes and required 5 transfers. Still not sure why I was transferred so many times but it seemed I was always in the wrong department. Finally in the right department I was given the choice of:
a.) a standard receiver for 50 bucks.
b.) a HD receiver with DVR for 99 bucks. or
c.) a DVR HD receiver for 399 bucks.

yeah...see a problem there???? I tried to figure out what 300 extra bucks got me which only led to the explanation of what a DVR is, "with a DVR you can pause and rewind live TV". This, I knew.

It's not so much that I couldn't understand what she was saying. It was English. There wasn't even much of an accent. So it was clear English to boot. The problem was I didn't think she knew what she was saying. And clearly she didn't understand what I meant when I asked (like 742 times) "what's the difference between the $100 DVR and the $400 DVR?" She just heard "DVR" and flipped her script to the DVR tab and read whatever it said, whether it made a lick of sense or not.

I opted for the standard $50 version and got scheduled for 5 weeks from next Wednesday between 3am and 12 midnight. Nice! Asking if I could get in earlier she said no. BUT, if I called this special number tomorrow I could reschedule. cool. FINALLY I'm off the phone.

Call the next day and get scheduled four days out, which included the weekend. HOORAY! That's some special damn number. :)

This brings us to today. My scheduled installation day. The guy is nice enough and I explain the room is on the complete opposite side of where the satellite is. This is a pain in the ass and we discuss the best route for the cable. In the eaves at the back of the house, then down the side wall to the room. Then he says, "you got the DVR upgrade right?"

ummm....no. But you can shoot me now.

He calls dispatch, they wrote the work order up wrong. This would be fine except he only has one receiver on his truck - the DVR one. So he's got to go back to the warehouse and get another one. I have nothing to do right? So I wait some more.

He returns. While driving he must have thought a bit more about my install. He says, "I'm going to run the cable in the attic." This would be perfect, IF WE HAD AN ATTIC. I tell him we've got no attic space through the middle of our house. "Can I take a look anyway?" he says.

Sure, knock yourself out.

10 minutes later he declares, "I can do it, I just did it" He's SOPPING wet but he made it. He crawled his scrawny ass all the way through the roof joists to the other side of the house. Hey! Whatever's easier for ya pal.

Funny, I tell ya.

Good thing he didn't die up there or anything cuz my fat ass isn't even getting up the poorly installed pulldown ladder much less pulling some 5-foot-nothing-passed-out-mexican-dude out of my roof joists!

In the end, it's all good. I have TV in my scrapbook room. For this I'm super excited. Here's to the funny people who don't understand English but speak in fluently. And to mexican dudes willing to crawl around in my 'attic' in 115 degree heat so I can feel connected to the outside world. And to watching even 'funnier' people on my reality TV while scrappin'!