an open letter to the baby wearing mothers group who meet for lunch at the pizza place on fridays

I'm all for women's groups. I really am. I would even consider myself an integral part of one. Like your group, we get together to eat and chat and laugh and trade stuff. It's a good time.

There are some differences, however.

Starting with our kids. Yeah...we leave our kids at home. In our group, like yours, we have many kids. I do believe that we have children older than 4. I was impressed when I saw, between the 7 of you, something like 27 kids none of them over the age of 4. Impressive numbers. OH Wait! I take that back. There was one girl I guessed to be about 9. She looked bored to tears. I mean being at a children's pizza place with your mom, her friends and 47 little...darlings by yourself must be torture. But Maybe she was in trouble, who knows? Did she rob a bank or something?

But I digress.

On the occasion that the children join us I must say we tend to know where they are and what they are doing. A concept seemingly lost on all 7 of you. You see, while you 'wear' you infants in your lovingly handmade slings (and boy do they look comfy *eyeroll*) your remaining 72 children are running around like kids on crack. Is this the only time they get out? Do they realize they are in public? Do they know that the 3 seater horsy ride already has (paying) children riding it and that 8 more kids can't 'hitch a ride' without someone falling off or getting mawled?

Or course they don't. They're kids.

That's your job. Your responsibility. Believe it or not, the high schooler working the toy shop isn't going to properly correct your children on the ins and outs of sharing the horsy toy. Or waiting their turn for the baskball hoop. And I don't particulary like watching 2 year olds (who's parents are watching) get pushed off a ride because you are too busy coordinating your used clothing swap.

Did you even know they were running around crazed, hopped up on cinnamin crunch dessert pizza, without a thought of anyone else around them? Or do you believe that because you 'wear' your children until they are nearly two that they will require little (or no) supervision once you detached them from your hip?

And finally, let's talk about the nursing. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for nursing. I nursed all 3 of my kids. I know 'breast is best' and all. blah blah blah. Get that. But honestly, do you think the rest of the restaurant wants to see your exposed breast flop around whilst your little darling decides she's more interested in watching the 147 cracked out wild banchee children than staying latched?

To be fair, I'll admit I can't speak for the team of construction workers having lunch, or the group of teenagers hanging out while on fall break, or even the band of employees cleaning tables after the lunch rush. Who knows, I think those teenage boys might have enjoyed the peep show. I, however, prefer not to see a stanger's breast while having pizza with my 1st grader.

But then I sat there feeding my baby a bottle while she lay quietly in her carseat, so what do I know of parenting!