I just may kill him. I would probably even get away with it. NO jury in their right mind could convict me after hearing what I've had to put up with EVERY BLOODY DAY!
You see, it's my husband. He's...well...not a morning person. Which would be find if he didn't turn into THE SINGLE DUMBEST PERSON on the face of the planet EVERY SINGLE MORNING. Well not EVERY morning. Just those that involve the alarm clock.
He has what most would think would be the coolest alarm clock in the world. It's faaaancy. With two separate time functions. A nap function. Radio alarm. Beep alarm. And the piece de'resistance, the "start really quiet and get louder and louder and LOUDER buzzer" function.
BRILLIANT YOU SAY???!
oh it is...unless you're married to the man who becomes THE SINGLE DUMBEST PERSON on the face of the planet EVERY SINGLE MORNING. You see, first off, he doesn't actually hear the buzzer when it first goes off (or so he says) I hear it the minute it clicks on.
So it starts 5:20 am
beep beeep beep I nudge him beep beep beep
Nothing beep beep beep I nudge again
beep beep beep "Peter, babe, the alarm" beep beep beep
"PETER TURN OFF THE ALARM" (shaking him)
beep beep beep nothing beep beep beep
"Peter, BABE, the alarm" beep beep beep
"huh?" (like this is the first time he's ever used an alarm clock)
"the alarm... beep beep beep ...turn it off!!"
"what?" (turns over, yeah he's never had to get up for work before!)
"OH! you've got to be kidding me, PETER! THE ALARM!"
beep beep beep
"HUH?" (sits up)
"TURN OFF THE ALARM"
beep! beep !! beep!!!
oh (fluffs pillow) --- I kid you not, he fluffs the damn pillow at this point. every morning this happens---
BEEP! BEEP!! BEEEEEEP!!!
BEEP! BEEP!! BEEEEEEP!!! "PETER!!!!!!!!"
BEEP! BEEP!! BEEEE click.
This happens every 5 minutes for at least 30 minutes, but an hour isn't uncommon. Why every 5 and not the typical 9? Well this technologically advanced alarm clock has 2 time settings remember? Well Einstein over here sets them one after another. The first goes of at 5:20. The second at 5:25. The first again at 5:29. The second again and 5:34.
IT'S PURE MADNESS.
See? Admit it. You couldn't convict me....could you?