Sunday, December 02, 2007

not as seen on TV

I've learned that death, like childbirth, is NOT as shown on TV.

No point in explaining in detail the differences, just know that just as you do no push out your first baby out in 2 pushes, you do not say goodbye to your loved ones then watch as they close their eyes and die.

The human body is an amazing thing and it takes much to break it down. Long after the spirit has left does the body give up the fight.

Okay, so obviously, my Dad's battle is over. He passed tonight (saturday) at 6:08 pm. After 3 intense days at Hospice and 2 before in the hospital, his body and mind surrendered to the cancer which infultrated his body.

I am almost energentic from the relief. Clearly, it has not hit me yet. I trust it will and reserve the right to completley crack. In the meantime, here's a writing that I read our first night at Hospice. I made sense then and comforts my heart now.

an excerpt from Gone from My Sight: The Dying Experience
by Barbara Karnes

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side
spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty
and strength. I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where
the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in
mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and
she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her
destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the
moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

I will miss my Daddy for the rest of my life. There will be many things about him that bring me peace, I'm sure, but for now I'm content with the knowledge that he's finally reunited with my Mom and that they are dancing together forever with all the knowledge of the universe.

bye bye daddy. I love you. Thank you - you taught me well. I will see you again, although hopefully not for a long long time.


Kerry said...

I'm sorry Michelle. I wish I had the right words to say how I feel. I desperately want to give you some comfort, but I feel like I can only pray for you and your family right now. Does that make sense? Dang, I'm lousy at this.

I am relieved that you seem to be at peace right now. You've been through a lot. And seeing it as him being in a better place and not in pain any longer.

The few times I met him and spent time with him I sure loved him! He was a great man.

If there is anything we can do, even if it is just to listen, let us know ok?

Love you.


Dustin said...

love that poem and I love you!

Anonymous said...

Michelle....Faith...Family...Friends.....that's HUGE! You have that. We here to help where we can. I feel so inadequate right now. Like Kerry said, I wish I could do more than just pray for you and your amazing family! I love that poem. I love you. Thanks for letting us be apart of your life. Mine is better for it! ~~~Shanna

Anonymous said...

Michelle - I'm glad that you have found comfort in that poem. I'm gonna get busy on that cross-stitch pattern right now!
All of our lives have been blessed by knowing and associating with Bill.
I'm glad that great people like your parents left behind a great legacy that is their children and grandchildren.
I love you and pray for you.

Anonymous said...

And, when I learn how to spell my own name -- LOL!!
(pronounced KELL-EN-KNEE)

scrapmom4 said...

(((hugs))) and prayers for you and your family. I appreciate the poem you shared. It's perfect. I love you,

laura said...

michelle - i am so sorry for your loss. :(

Victor & Annette said...

Michelle, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad passed away 11 years ago, I was very close to him and it was the little things along the way that I missed... not being able to pick up the phone and call... I still miss him, but like you I know we will see our loved ones again, they are happy! Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Take care

angieinpink said...


been thinking about you LOTS. sending my prayers your way, every day. love you.

Karen said...

I'm so sorry Michelle.