I've learned that death, like childbirth, is NOT as shown on TV.
No point in explaining in detail the differences, just know that just as you do no push out your first baby out in 2 pushes, you do not say goodbye to your loved ones then watch as they close their eyes and die.
The human body is an amazing thing and it takes much to break it down. Long after the spirit has left does the body give up the fight.
Okay, so obviously, my Dad's battle is over. He passed tonight (saturday) at 6:08 pm. After 3 intense days at Hospice and 2 before in the hospital, his body and mind surrendered to the cancer which infultrated his body.
I am almost energentic from the relief. Clearly, it has not hit me yet. I trust it will and reserve the right to completley crack. In the meantime, here's a writing that I read our first night at Hospice. I made sense then and comforts my heart now.
an excerpt from Gone from My Sight: The Dying Experience
by Barbara Karnes
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side
spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty
and strength. I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where
the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in
mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and
she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the
moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"
And that is dying.
I will miss my Daddy for the rest of my life. There will be many things about him that bring me peace, I'm sure, but for now I'm content with the knowledge that he's finally reunited with my Mom and that they are dancing together forever with all the knowledge of the universe.
bye bye daddy. I love you. Thank you - you taught me well. I will see you again, although hopefully not for a long long time.