bye bye baby

Have you ever waited so long for something to happen and when it finally does you burst into tears? That's me, right now.

I've been so incredibly fortunate to have Kate home with me all this time. She's 21 months old and hasn't seen a full day in Daycare since she was born. I usually keep my babies home for about 4 months, then ship them off to 'school' so I can work. I haven't had to do that with her. I've been lucky to be able to work from home, and ever luckier having this SUPER EASY child with me. She's pure joy.

and. now. she's. leaving. me. (okay that was a bit dramatic)

Funny how things work. Her school (where Sarah goes and Noah used to) has been super patient with me. They held a spot for months and months. I kept saying, "I'll bring her when she gets hard. I just can't see spending all the money when she's so good". Every month, the same thing.

"Kate coming to school soon?"
"yeah, when she gets to be too much to handle she'll be here"

Finally I admitted it wasn't going to be realy soon. Told the school not to expect her until she was one. 16 months TOPS. They couldn't wait and finally gave my spot to someone else. Just then Kate got hard. I freaked out. How was I going to do this? Then I got over the panic of not having my safety net and viola! Kate was easy again.

The school's owner would still occasionally ask me if Kate was going to attend, but quickly reminded me that the slot was gone, and wouldn't be available until the end of summer. In September it looked like it wouldn't be open until october. November in was December. After Christmas it was a lifetime away - MARCH! Kate was still good, but she was ready. Work was starting to get a little tough, finding a sitter for her when I had meetings and seminars. Everyone agreed she need to go but we pushed through while we waited for our spot.

Last week I got word the spot would be available in a couple weeks. I was excited but - given the history - wasn't holding my breathe. Then today. Black Monday. I asked Cindy (the Owner) when the spot would be open. She was all perky like, quickly replying "how about Monday?"

"I thought you weren't ready yet?" I asked.
"oh no, we got it figured out last week, I was just waiting on you because you sounded like Kate was still easy" (I can see where she thought that - given the history)
"Well I've got a super busy week THIS week, If you're set how about tomorrow?"

I A MOOOOOOOOOORON!!!!!

Naturally, she said yes. I walked out thinking was good. But, by the time I'd backed out of the parking space tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't breathe. Have I mentioned I'm a moron?

Peter tells me I did the same thing when Sarah went to school. I don't remember that at all, but I believe him. And it's going to be okay. It's just change. And y'all know by now I don't like change. Change is good, but scary. I don't dig scary.

Maybe I'll be able to get a cute shot of her walking into school for the first time, if I can see through the tears to focus. And maybe (okay most likely) it'll all be okay. :)