Noooooooooooo

This post on Angie's Blog made my little heart skip a beat...and even caused an-ever-so-small flicker of baby-wants.

Me no want more babies.

But I gotta say, there aren't many things as cute as a baby sleeping on a man. Oh heck, a baby sleeping anywhere :)

Off to daycare, or the mall, or Peter Piper Pizza to rid my brain of these evil evil thoughts! ;)

feeling better

Thanks so much (again) for the thoughts and prayers. Knowing y'all have my back gives me tremendous strength. tremendous strength! I love you for it.

On a completely unrealted and irrelevant note, Kerry don't lie Holy crap. Went to Target today and I could actually feel the skin on my arms melting. craziness. It's times like that I have to force myself to remember that Beth's weatherpixie dude whose name I can't remember wears T-shirts in December while everyone else is covered in snow. Two more months..only two more months.

One of these days I'll have a good picture of something that's actually mine...like the cover of the book!!! :)

results

It's official. My dad has cancer on his pancreas and liver. damn.

damn damn damn.

So apparently not talking about it didn't make it not real. I think I really thought it might help. But no. Dude's been handed a death sentence.

I won't lie. I'm devastated. I could barf I'm so profoundly sad. pro-fucking-foundly sad. Literally. I'm like nauseous. It's a sadness I didn't know I could feel.

Something seems harder about this than when my Mom died. Maybe it's because that was 7 years ago and the pain has faded. But see, with my mom, on some level, it was a relief. I mean she was so SO sick for oh so long that she deserved some peace. Don't get me wrong, I miss her like crazy, it was just different.

This is just such a shock. My dad's been battling back since his flatlining episode in 2000. He's been kicking ass and taking names. All that to get cancer. And it's on his pancreas to boot. That's the like big mamma jamma cancers. ugh...

He's actually doing really well. He's somehow at peace with what's going on. He keeps saying, "No matter what happens it will be okay". And he's right. It will be. But damn, why do I have to be orphaned. Why don't my girls get to have any freaking grandparents. Not one. Noah has one grandma living, but shit, he should have SIX! (Y'all get the math on that one??? don't feel like drawing up a flow chart of my family *wink*)

Noah's the one that hurts me the most. He shouldn't have to suffer such a deep loss at 8. He should be able to continue building his friendship with grandpa. He'll feel the loss. He'll know what he's missing. And that, my friends, completely breaks my heart.

shit, okay. I'm okay....breathe....I have to tell you that there is some good news. The doctors were more optimistic than I expected them to be. Dad has already started the chemo prep stuff and averages indicate that he could be around for 1-2 years. This is AMAZING news. I was thinking 6 months at the max. Of course, it could always be that quick, but then it could be longer too.

So please bear with me while I take this ride with my dad. This ride that has only one ending. I am weak and I'll need you. I believe him when he says it will be okay. But right now, I can't even imagine...

stepping out!

Okay, first, THANK YOU for like everything. Y'all rock. Seriously, I don't deserve you.

Next, I'm feeling better tonight. For a couple reasons, I'm thinking. Partly because I'm simply cried out (for now at least). I spent yesterday on the couch in the fetal position bawling and holding on the my favorite blanket. No, I'm not kidding. But I needed it (the PMS prolly didn't help matters) and I'm feeling like I can at least shower and be semi-productive.

But mainly I'm feeling better because I'm going to California this weekend. Flight leaves at 7:40 am tomorrow. Going to see my Dad for a bit before I head to up to the mountains for my 20 year high school reunion Saturday night. Scary! hahaha It'll be a long weekend with much driving but I'm looking forward to it. It'll be good to see everyone I grew up with...and even better to give my padre a humungous huge!

So while I've been gone for a while quietly licking my wounds, I'll be gone again partying it up. My dad and I have vowed to make this a fun trip. He's down right giddy with the restaurant choices he's got going on! I love him.

I'll leave you with an amazingly crappy pictures of the adorable "prayer flowers"

Kaelene brought over for me tonight. She told me, "every time you look at them know that we are praying for you" CRAP! so much for being cried out! But these are tears of hope! Love you guys!

See ya Monday!

just pray

I can't talk about it yet - only because the fear of making it real - But if you pray, how however you communicate with a high power, if you would do that for my dad (and me and my bro) right now that would be great.

I won't lie - shit ain't good.

taking a break

I've got too much going on. Wanted to let y'all know (all what? 5 of you HAHA) that I need to handle some stuff around here and need to not worry about posting.

I'll be back ... yes, that was an arnold voice :)

heaven for boys

So this is heaven, for boys. Working with bricks, pounding hammer and chisel, mixing mortar, sporting protective eyewear, WITH GRANDPA. That last part being the most important. If *I* needed him to building steps for me I'd be shot down. but nope! Not when Grandpa asks. This boy is in hog heaven working on this project. I'm told he bugged dad for days ready to get to work (Dad explained when they were going to do but then, as it does, the plan changed and the project got pushed back)

I'm excited he's having a good time. I am, however, a bit melancholy that I can't sit like that anymore :) (who am I shitting? it's been like 20 years since I could do that!)

on the dock

a random picture from the lake. Man did Kate love those dogs. OKay, well the little one at least. The big one was too cool to give a shit if Katie liked her or not.

And how did the world ever go'round before floaties?

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nothing much else going on. Working like crazy. Doing a phone conference with my webmaster tonight (check the time - it'll be midnight where he is before we talk - crazy) Hopefully he sees my vision and I'll have minimal changes :)

Noah is off visiting grandpa for two weeks. So here's a pic of he and Sarah just for giggles. What a bunch of hams huh? Wonder if they've ever seen a camera before.



Anyway, it's funky now having him here. He's always been a joy of a child but now he's turning into a...I dunno...little man. It's fun just hangin with him...funky when I can't.

I cannot wait for Noah's teeth to quit dropping out so he holds him mouth normal again (will there ever be a 'normal' again?)

ouch-lost-HP5

Thought I'd give a quick recap while I sit here with a numb face. I went to my oral surgeon this afternoon and had the final stage of my dental implant put in. Now I have an OH SO attractive metal rod sticking out of my gums. nasty huh? This process took 3 surgeries (yes I'm calling todays event a surgery even though it was more like a procedure - but I'm not getting out of mommy duties tonight from a mere procedure, so SURGERY it is!) anyway, 12 months, 3 surgeries, over a week off of work, and 3 grand.. And now I'm left with a little metal rod...nice! 2000 more bucks and I can have my dentist put on a real-fake tooth. Some people won't spend 5 grand on their ENTIRE mouth in their LIFETIME. but not me. Thanks mom and dad for the shitty teeth :)

I'm feeling better about my friend's passing. Thanks for all the well wishes. His memorial service/party was Saturday night. I got all gussied up to go then couldn't find the damn place. Not sure where the hell it was. But Dann would have thought it funny that I got lost...so I'm cool with it.

Thanks to Kaelene, Peter and I were able to go see Harry Potter 5 on Sunday. GO SEE THIS MOVIE! read the books. GET INTO THIS!!! I love this story. Love Harry and every single character - yes even Snape. Until now I was not ready for this story to end. I was the only person not excited about book 7 coming out. I will miss Harry. But then I figured this author crafted such a brilliant story that she'll be able to wrap it up in a way that will have me feeling satified that Harry is 'gone'. Now I'll be at Walmart at midnight (with a gun) picking up my copy.

That's about all that's going on. Pulling an all nighter tonight. Big job that HAS HAS HAS to be done in the morning. Which remindes me, I need to work. :)

crap

remember this post? Well I just got a call that my friend, Dann, passed away last night. The cancer in his lungs, found only a few weeks ago, spread like wildfire throughout his body, his neck, and into his bones. His passing was quiet and swift and he was was calm. I am deeply saddened by this news as he was a long time friend and collegue for nearly 20 years.

Thank you, again, for all your thoughts and prayers. The family (and me) are grateful that this went fast and his suffering wasn't prolonged.

I got the call that shit was really bad on Monday. Dann's son left a message. A message I wasn't able to return. Not sure why, just couldn't call him. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. So now I'm beating myself up for not calling back, not going to see Dann. I pray he knows I was thinking of him and just how much adore (do I write adored now?) him. Anyway, I'll miss him. a lot.

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ETA - Noah has it figured out. He just came asking for something and saw me crying. Naturally, he asked what's wrong. Here's how it went.
Him: Mom, what's wrong?
Me: Oh. I just found out a friend of mine died.
Him: oh, how? heart attack?
Me: No honey, he had cancer.
Him: Oh ....pause....It's okay mom. He's right here. (motioning to the space to my left) He's right next to you.

well I suppose I should update

I'm here. Back from the va-cay-cay. Everything now is nay-nay or cay-cay. It's my thing, this week. It started cuz my (super duper cute) niece is just a crack up. She does all sorts of crazy accents and impersonations all the time. She pretty much made me laugh the entire time I was on vacation. Anyway, there's this new (new to us) card game called "hand and foot" (quickly renamed a billion times to "hand/foot/mouth disease" or "tooth and nail" or "mitten and boot" you get the drift) And in it you make "canastas" which - naturally - she called "ca-nay-nays" and our white slang was born.


The main reason for our trip was for the family reunion. Everyone showed up on Saturday. It was pretty damn cool. I love Peter's family. Seeing everyone reminds me how lucky I am to have him (sheesh - easy on the sap michelle)



here's the chillins sporting the reunion shirts I designed in like 15 minutes - Peter 'forgot' the dealine for the art and I had to do it crazy fast. Like, he called in the morning "honey? can you get the art for the shirts to the printer by noon?" My reply, "honey...what art?" niiiiiice. But I think it turned out cute. Everyone seemed to like them. Bummer you can't see the front logo thing. It's kinda cute too.

aaaaaaaaayway, I'm back. Had a GREAT time. Didn't do a damn thing. Well, not true, I ate, and drank, and ate some more and played "hand and mouth" and "nertz". Ever played Nertz? It's like speed solataire. CRAZY FUN. but beware. If you play it with your young, brilliant and lightning fast - both in mind and hand - niece you WILL get your ass kicked. okay, back to the nothingness that I did. I didn't even jet ski. That's east SYYYDE water is chilly folks. My 85 degrees loving ass wasn't having any part of that shiat. So at the table I sat. and I love every lazy ass minute of it.

OH!! I also played the guitar hero or whatever game on their XBOX. COMPLETELY addicted. MUST. HAVE. ONE. If anyone has this game PLEASE let me know. I'll pay to play it. It's super freaking cool.

Here are some picture for your viewing pleasure! haha

Here's the view from the lake house. Pretty much the sun as it is everwhere. :) Really just proof that I did, in fact, leave. LOL


Sarah being the show-off that she is. Someone (peter probably) put Emily's bikini on her and she strutted around with it on. What a hammy, man I love her.


Noah and Sarah on the pontoon boat going out to watch the fireworks. We were on a rather big lake. It's shaped like a 4 leaf clover so there's LOTS of lake front property - which equals lots of houses - which equals LOTS of boats. I think everyone was on the lake for the show. It was a darn nice show too. Nothing like sitting on a boat, drinking a beer, floating with thousands of other people celebrating our country's birthday.


Kate with the craziest dog ever, Mocha. Katie just loved her. Everyone else, not so much haha. This picture was taken at nearly 10 at night. It gets dark there SUPER LATE. It's freaky. And REALLY hard for those of us who go crazy if our kids aren't down at 7:30. They were up so late it was bananas.

There should be more pictures later this week. Most on on Peter's computer cuz we were fancy like that. Then he took his laptop to OK with him, punk ass. So this is all eyezz gotz (yeah, sorry, no idea why I'm talking like this LOL)

Not much else going on. Pumping away on the book. Work is frantic, as usual. Kids are good. and I'm back at the gym...working off all that sitting, and eating, and drinking :)

finally, for the record, I want an ipod. Not cuz I really need one. Or would ever use it. But they just work nice. They feel nice and are well engineered. and y'all know how I can't resist a product that is smooth and works right (don't go there shanna. hooker!)

and a final, FINAL note - mostly to myself. Take a freaking photography class, would ya!?!?! Them some crappy skillz going on there. Light is your friend - LEARN ABOUT IT DAYUM!

peace out yo! Shell-nay-nay has left the building :)

i'd be rich

This
is one of the things that makes me happy
VEEEERRRRRRRRRY HAPPY.

watch it. Listen to it. Check the pictures. and just TRY to be unhappy. It's impossible. go ahead, try it.

Lisa, I dare you!

Happy listening :)

feeling good

Having a good day today. Nothing big, just a bunch of little things.

like:
got bunches of prayers for my friend - always warms my heart how generous people are with their love.
and:
Finally don't feel like I'm going to die after a week of working out.
and:
got new shoes that are killer comfy and semi-cute even.
and:
got my phone to sync again. THIS IS A BIG WOO HOO. Been un-synced with my calender for far too long.
and:
going on vacation in 3 days. Going to sit and read and jet ski and laugh and hopefully be able to work on the book a little bit (yes I know, but it must be done)
and:
Got a couple jobs out the door so coming back from said vacation won't be too horrible at work.
and:
webmaster is working on the site. Nothing to see yet but he says he'll having something when I get back.
and:
just feeling good. Making lifestyle changes, mind changes, happy changes, and is'all geood. :)

do you pray?

if you do, would you shout one out for my dear friend and collegue, Dann? He's been very sick lately and it's looking like lung cancer. He's struggling with his fate and it's feared he has given up the fight.

Sorry for the bummer post. Please know I appreciate any thoughts and prayers you could send his way. He's an amazing person who could use a little boost right about now.

Peter says I have a good heart - I say I'm crazy!

OKAY. this post WILL have spoilers. so if you haven't seen "Bridge to Terabithia" and want to - DON'T READ ANY FURTHER. You have been warned. I will say what happens.




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DON'T YELL AT ME FOR SPOILING THIS MOVIE!!!

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Bought this movie. Watched it. Liked it except the freaking ending. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????!??!??! She DIES?!!!?!

I know, blah blah blah, it's not about that. It's about bigger things. but shit. She's a cutie. she made a difference. and she's freaking dead. Pisses me off. I'm sad, still, just thinking about it.

Same with Pay it Forward and Untamed heart. Great movies but I will NOT watch either again. It's just too much for me. People die, I get that. I'm actually kinda okay with it in real life (go figure) but in movies, where things are FAKE and HAPPY and pretend, people shouldn't die. Everything is supposed to be happy and shiny and bright. The guy gets the girl. The good people live on. Everyone is happy! that's the rules! DAMMIT.

As with any new movie in this house, it gets played over and over and over again. Noah is watching it right now. I made him move to the Living room. I really don't want to watch again.... stupid huh? I called Peter about it. Told him I was still sad about this damn movie to which he replied, "I know honey, you have a good heart." Another reason I'll keep him around! :)

3 reasons

Here are Peter's 3 reasons for loving every day of his life. His Children. They rock! HE rocks!!!

Happy Father's Day Babe!

who knew?

Ice contains frozen water! Filtered even.

Seriously?


no. seriously. They have to put that there? No, I mean they probably HAVE to put that there. Some dumb ass probably sued Mickie D's for not clearly labeling what's a bag of ice. That or some crack ho bought a bag for 79 cents thinking she hit the mother load and died of pnemonia after trying to smoke water. er wait, frozen water. That or the FDA requiredsevery. single. thing. to be clearly labeled. Not matter the reason, it's freaking lame. But funny!

moving forward

Pretty exciting news in the Paper Therapy world today. Found a webmaster. WOO HOO!!! This book thing looks like it really really is going to happen.

It's amazing to me how things are working out. Beyond y'all (my MAS friends) who have been my foundation during this project, I've been blessed to happen upon people who are as excited about this thing as I am. For taking over 2 years it's sure going fast.

So webdesign is moving. Business affairs are moving. Book compliation is moving. Memory Trends preparations are moving. I'm moving! It's really super duper exciting.

a little entertainment for ya

Okay, a VERY little bit of entertainment.

Sorry for the bad image. You'd think I'd take some time and learn how to take a good photo. But no. That's too. obvious.

So can you read the directions? In case you can't, here's what it says to do.

"We've dealt you a winning hand - but how fast can you find it? Five cards below form this cross pattern {oh crap can't draw the cross - check out the pic} but here's the trick: Each card has to have a difrerent symbol. Sound easy? Time yourself and see how you rate."

So try it. How long does it take ya'll??? I'm embarrassed to say how long it too me, so I'll wait until some of you chime in :)

a lost photo

I felt like blogging but don't really have anything funny or even remotely interesting to talk about so I starting digging through some pictures. Ya know, just cuz blogs with pictures are fun and don't require thoughful text.(that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.)

I found this one of Kate. It's semi-oldish, taken May 11, so like 25 days old. Or is it 24? or would it 26? how many days are in May?? I can never remember. Bloody Hell! I took it last month! there! phew...


So anyway, this is a newish thing for her. She finds any sort of fabric to use as a blanket. Here it's a napkin but sometimes is a shirt, or the stupid armrest cover thing I thought I would have thrown away forever ago but never seem to get the guts to actually toss it. Anyway, it's rarely an actual blanket. So she gets her blankie and whatever baby is handy and covers her up and pats her back. Just like they do for naptime at daycare.

Try and tell me it's not the cutest thing ever!?! Go ahead, try! Told ya! You can't do it, huh? LOVE HER! (*I* left off intentionally, just for 2KDawg)