back to life

I must join the land of the living.



Been a while since I posted. I know none of you are surprised. Been a hard couple weeks, but even so, been an exciting couple weeks.

thanks to all who were so supportive after the loss of my father. Thanks to Maddy, Shanna and beth (and Kaelene even though I cancelled) for bringing delicious dinner for the family. YUMMY! It was nice to not have to worry about that.

Had a great time up at Lisa's, But y'all already know about all that LOL

We have Noah's Christmas pagent tomorrow. Sarah and Kate's was last friday. Here are some pictures of that.


Sarah was Mary in the first Act.




Then both were snowmen. No pic of Sarah - not sure how that happened. They did the cutest little Christmas version of I'm a little teapot but changed it to "I'm a little snowman, short and fat. Here are my buttons, here is my hat." something something something...sarah's not here or I'd would ask her.




Then Sarah was a raindeer. The did the "hokey Pokey raindeer dance" Too cute!
I'm going back into the office truesdays, thursday and fridays. That started last week and it went pretty well.






At some point they all came out and sang some song and make a boat load of noise. It was a riot! Even if I didn't understand a single word :)


Not much else that's I guess I'll leave you with this goofy picture of Sarah.

not as seen on TV

I've learned that death, like childbirth, is NOT as shown on TV.

No point in explaining in detail the differences, just know that just as you do no push out your first baby out in 2 pushes, you do not say goodbye to your loved ones then watch as they close their eyes and die.

The human body is an amazing thing and it takes much to break it down. Long after the spirit has left does the body give up the fight.

Okay, so obviously, my Dad's battle is over. He passed tonight (saturday) at 6:08 pm. After 3 intense days at Hospice and 2 before in the hospital, his body and mind surrendered to the cancer which infultrated his body.

I am almost energentic from the relief. Clearly, it has not hit me yet. I trust it will and reserve the right to completley crack. In the meantime, here's a writing that I read our first night at Hospice. I made sense then and comforts my heart now.

an excerpt from Gone from My Sight: The Dying Experience
by Barbara Karnes

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side
spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty
and strength. I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where
the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in
mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and
she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her
destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the
moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.





I will miss my Daddy for the rest of my life. There will be many things about him that bring me peace, I'm sure, but for now I'm content with the knowledge that he's finally reunited with my Mom and that they are dancing together forever with all the knowledge of the universe.

bye bye daddy. I love you. Thank you - you taught me well. I will see you again, although hopefully not for a long long time.

super quick update

Dad turn a turn for the worse with his pain and we all decided it was time for hospice. He's been moved to an in-patient facility (that is beautiful btw) the's between my brother and I. His wife flew and as did his brother and sister in law.

It won't be long.

We included him in all the decision making and he's fine with it. Surprisingly fine with it. He knows that he's going to die and he's "cool with that"...yes, that's a quote. I feel deep sadness but at the same time incredible relieve that he's accepted this. We are all finding comfort in eachother as we walk these final steps with him.

I did, however, make sure he knew that I expected him to do some friendly haunting of the kids. I reminded him that both Mom and Peter's mom teamed up and looked in on the kids after they passed, so they'd know how to do it. :)

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers. I promise you, they are being felt!!!

I have no doubt that I will be fine through this. Wanna know why?? Cuz I have the FREAKING. BEST. FAMILY. AND. FRIENDS. A. GIRL. CAN. HAVE!!!

I love you people!

that time again

to just pray.

or think.

or contemplate.

or meditated.

or send good thoughts.

or speak in tongues like some people say they can.

If you do any of those things, or something else that's like legal n'shit, please do. Cuz the daddy-o isn't good.

Spent the day in the ER with him. He's been here all week and was supposed to leave today. During an initially unrelated conversation with his Oncologist (that's a cancer doctor - and the convo wasn't supposed to be about his travel plans) I was advised to take him to the ER to have him cleared for travel. They ran a boat load of tests and determined that.........wait for it.......it's really freaking sick.

um. hello. we knew this.

So once we convinced the (very well meaning) docs that, no, we were NOT going into surgery for the piss-ant gall stones and that, no, we did NOT expect them to 'fix' him, I think everyone is on the same page. Which is - Get this man well enough to take a stinkin' 2 hour flight without freaking out and trying to open the door to get home while at 30,000 feet. I joke, but only kinda. Bless his heart, he's so confused that this is a possible scenario.

so they admitted him.

They are:
* Pumping him with IV fluids (his really REALLY dehydrated. like the kind of dry that after 5 words your mouth glues shut and your sound well...like your mouth is glued shut. Which, btw, isn't a combination of sounds anyone should have to hear. like ever.)
* Gave him a massive Vitamin K shot (um, what does that do? and what the hell food is Vit K in that I'm not eating but should be? Pretty sure that's not in Beth's brownies or Cold Stone)
* Giving him 2 units of Plasma (cuz he's low on oil I guess. Who knows why...But if you ask him it's because they had to stick him 3 times - well 5 times really till they got it right - and you end up with less blood when they keep drawing it - DUH!)
* and prolly something else that I can't remember cuz I'm freaking dog ass tired. I'll remember the minute I 'publish post'

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. Pray for us. For my brother, Michael, especially please. He's (admittedly) about to crack. He had dad this week so had to deal with all the crap 24/7 (oh hell I used that phrase. I hate that phrase. Might as well say ASAP, or "andwhatnot" now) I'm doing a tad better but only cuz, well I dunno why. Maybe it's cuz I already spent a week in the fetal position about this. Or maybe cause I'm completely numb and only *think* I'm doing better. Maybe my brother is bloggin right now talking about how close to the edge I am.

okay, we're both ready to crack. So pray for us. And crack a joke if you see us. We could use a laugh.

Love you people. I really really do!!!

late, as usual.

Was threatened to post...I guess y'all were sick of my phone :) I can't blame ya, phone envy is a bitch.

Anyway, here are 3 of the many, many things I'm thankful for.



HAPPY THANKSGIVING, YO!

just a couple things

So here's a couple little things that when added up, well, still add up to pretty much nothing. But what the heck. I'll share.

This is my new phone.



I cried for two days trying to get all the electronic goodness to work the way my old phone worked. But I finally got it and it's got to be one of the coolest things, like, ever.

I made a new phone dangle accessory thing for it last night. No picture of that. I realize that makes this post worthless, I've no choice :) I need to save something for my next list of nothingness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

This is what keeps me from selling my children to the gypsies.



My kinda of cuteness. I choose to forget that only 10 minutes later they were both running around like insane children.

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Oh yeah, remember


Sarah's GORGEOUS hair? Yeah...say goodbye.

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.
.
.
.
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Nothing like a Saturday morning that starts with plunging the toilet only to walk out of the bathroom to this:







Say hello to my little boy.
This was taken later that day, after the 'even out' haircut. I swear to God she loves it. I didn't cry (not cuz I didn't want to, but cuz I figured it really wasn't all that bad - all things considered. Remember, I'd just finish with their stupid toilet) I will admit that I damn near had a panic attack.

And this is as good as it gets :)

Okay, the girl is still dayum cute!!!

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That's it for now. I'll leave you with the the happy little Pez Lamb sayin' goodbye

WOO HOO

It's a new day and I've feeling better. The stresses of the week and been resolved and I'm looking forward to the weekend.

I've been ask to quit bitching and post some picks of the kids. Okay, well, no one bitched about my bitching but I was asked to post the chillins' - so here goes.

No explaination necessary, really. They are just damn cute kids. All dressed up for Halloween. You know the drill.









BLOODY HELL. THEY ARE STILL SIDEWAYS. Well turn your head...cuz I've got to leave and can't fix them right now. SORRY. I suck, I know! They are still rockin' cute - even if you need to see a chiropractor! :)

5 more minutes

I only have 5 minutes until this crazy freaking day is over.

THANK GOD!!! between this book, and work, and this book, and life, and the book, and holidays, and work and work and work and work and the book and book and book, I'm 5 minutes from losing my mind.

Good thing I'll be asleep in 5 minutes....

I love you people. You know who you are.

OH!! and day 1 of the neilson thing...yeah...peter was right hahhaaaa

an overinflated sense of importance

YOUR TV VIEWING NOW IS IN MY POWER!!!



okay, maybe not. But I've agreed to do a week of recording TV viewing in our house. We got 5 crisp one dollar bills for it. Peter's thrilled.

told you I liked surveys :)

have I mentioned lately

how much I love Kerry Well I do. and I'm certain I don't mention it enough. Just as I don't mention it enough to any of my friends. But I do. LOTS.

I pretty much have kick ass friends. Killer chics who, I'm afraid to admit, I pretty much take advantage of and still act like they like me. Who could ask for more :) One day I'll be able to give back...and until then they just are patient with me.

anyway...why do I love Kerry more than normal today. cuz she made a survery specially for me. If that's not love I dunno what is....so here goes.

1. Candy corn or Indian corn?
ummm...gotta say candy...only cuz I've no freaking clue what Indian corn is.

2. What candy do you confiscate from your children because they are your favorites?
Reeces for sure. Then anything chocolate. At easter I steal all the malt balls, which is weird cuz they aren't normally my favority. Something about stealing whoppers from your kids makes them extra special yummy.

3. When you carve a pumpkin, do you use a spoon to get the guts out or your hand?
I go back and forth. I start with a spoon cuz I'm grossed out. Then say F it and dig right in. Then go back to the spoon to do hard scraping and cleanup.

4. Do you make teenagers say trick or treat before you give them candy? haha I pretty much do. I'll stand there and look at them...waiting...then I'll be all "hummm...got somethign to say???"
Or do you just give them the whole bowl hoping they won't target your house later? I give in eventually for this reason haha

5. What is your favorite costume? Could be yours or one of your kids. My favorite prolly was when Sarah was 2 and I made her a hula dancer girl...coconut bra and all. It freakin ROCKED!!!!!

6. What is your favorite fall time smell? sheesh..can't say I have one really. I grew up in high country where there is no real fall. goes from summer to damn snow overnight.

7. Tall skinny pumpkins or fat and round pumpkins? both. I've yet to meet a punkin I haven't loved.

8. Does anybody in your family say, "I got a rock." <-- Charlie Brown reference. Kill me now, but I like Charlie brown about as much as I like Mickey Mouse.

9. Do you really eat those funky peanut butter taffy things that come in the generic black or orange wrappers? oh HELL NO. those are actually meant to be EATEN?? the horror!!!

10. Have you ever run out of candy and started giving away anything else? bwhahaha yes. First halloween I ran out (or didn't even buy any - can't remember) and I gave away money. Like dimes and shit. It was pretty much my cheapest halloween yet. now I just turn out the damn lights. After 50 bucks at Costco I figure if they didn't come early enough the little turds can do without my crap.

tagged.

Thanks Maddy, I did need to blog :)

I'll Tag: Kerry, Kaelene and Angie. (first time ever not tagging Beth...you okay Beth?? HAHHAHAA)

What is your spouses name? Peter
How long have you been together? 5 years
How long did you date? about a year
Who eats more? oh him. But I can pack it in.
Who said I love you first? Him
Who is taller? Him, 6 inches
Who sings better? we tie at zero skills
Who is smarter? Him, WAY smarter.
Whose temper is worse? We're pretty much tied. I get over it faster.
Who does the laundry? Him. praise the sweet lord Jesus too.
Who does the dishes? Me. aaaaalways me.
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Him, if you're at the foot of the bed. Me as you lay in it :)
Who pays the bills? He pays the mortgage, I pay everything else.
Who mows the lawn? A team of highly skills men who I never seem to see, until it's time to pay the bill.
Who cooks dinner? Anyone else but us :) Sunday dinner is all Peter though.
Who drives when you are together? Him, Never me.
Who is more stubborn? Him. Big time.
Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? We both will admit it.
Whose parents do you see the most? Well seeing that we don't see dead people it's my Dad we see the most.
Who kissed who first? Pretty sure he kissed me first but I'm sure I wasn't fighting it. And no, I don't remember it exactly.
Who asked who out? We talked online for moooonths before finally meeting. I casually asked to get a drink before the official date. Then he FINALLY asked. Turns out he was out of the state most of the times we IM'd.
Who proposed? Him. Well he had Noah ask me if I wanted to make us a family. It was perfect.
Who is more sensitive? Oh holy hell, me. Like a million times over, me.
Who has more friends? I have more but he has most lasting friendships. His core group he's been friends will since grade school.
Who wears the pants in the family? We are evenly matched which is exactly how we both want it.

wedding

Been a bad blogger. Not even gonna go into it :) In non loser news, My dad is getting married this saturday. :) My bro and I are leaving tomorrow to attend. It's actually pretty cool. I'm so happy he found love again after Mom.

Had a bit of a hard time figuring out a wedding gift. Hard to come up with something for a couple who has everything, and for a man who's dying. The chemo is kicking his ass so he's not feeling well enough to 'do' anything too exciting either. Do dying people ever feel great?? Prolly not.

Anyway, this is what I came up with (in addition to the scrapbook I'll naturally do for them) I like it. The out of focus image on the right is the compliment frame deal that will hold a wedding photo. Sorry I don't know how to take a good picture.



The phrase in the half circle says "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breathe away" Hope that's not too lame.

crazy~scary~cool

Here's the cover.




Here's the cover. I'm scared for some reason to post it. It kinda feels like those dreams when you go to school and you realize your buck naked.

I feel exposed. But soon enough it'll be - HOPEFULLY - on the shelves. Even sooner, you SHOULD be able to go to PaperTherapy.com and preorder this maaaaasterpiece HAHA

This is me. My book. My baby. crazy huh?

i rock

CHECK.
IT.
OUT.

I have a barcode.


aaaaand an ISBN NUMBER
ISBN 978-1-60461-517-3

:)))) IT'S LIKE ALL OFFICIAL!!! Now if only I could finish editing this beast :)

WHO WANTS TO SEE THE COVER????????

most boring post ever

Had a ton scheduled for today. So much so that I wrote up a little checklist. Here it is:

To do today

7am
send cover picture to Costco

8am
work out

10am
breakfast and shower

10am
Call Kaelene to see if she wants to come over to either scrap or help with photoshoot

10am
Call Angie to make arrangements to get the pages.

11am
go to post office (write check-package CD)
mail dayna’s pictures
mail Heidi’s check
Get PO box for Paper Therapy

11:30
Go to Costco
Pick up picture
Get a ream of paper

11:30
Maybe go pick up Pages from Angie

noon
lunch and clean house up

1pm
Put girls down for a nap

2pm
get online and secure ISBN and UPC numbers

3pm
Clean fish tank
4pm
Go to fish store

4:00
set up photoshoot

5:00
shoot photos of revised layouts


And this is what I did:

7AM - 9PM NOTHING






HAHAH NAH. not really. I got a boat load done. My day went exactly like this :) Yes, I kept track. No, I don't usually do that. This is the very first time actually.

7am
send cover picture to Costco CHECK

8am
work out CHECK

9:30
breakfast CHECK
Email Angie about pages - CHECK, ANG TO ARRIVE AT 5:00

10am
Called Kaelene - NO ANSWER
Clean fish tank CHECK

11am
Shower CHECK

11:30
go to post office (write check-package CD) CHECK
mail dayna’s pictures CHECK
mail Heidi’s check CHECK
Get PO box for Paper Therapy CHECK

12:30
Get UPC Barcode CHECK
Get ISBN barcode UNcheck - website down
Call Kaelene - NO ANSWER

1:00
Go to Costco CHECK
Pick up picture CHECK
Get a ream of paper CHECK
eat lunch CHECK

1:30
NAPPY!!! TRIPLE WONDERFUL CHECKIDY CHECK CHECK

3:30
Get ISBN barcode UNcheck - website STILL down
Pick up house CHECK (yes Ang, that was picked up LOL)
Call Kaelene - CHECK!

4:30
Angie Arrives :)))
Sort pages for photoshoot CHECK

5:30
Set up for photoshoot CHECK

5:45
Test shot of first page KILL ME - THEY SUCK. CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN.

6:00
Tear down setup and have a nervous breakdown - IN FRONT OF ANGIE! BIG TIME CHECK

6:30
Go to Dinner with Angie, recharge, get cheered up, have a rocking steak, come up with another plan of attack for the stupid pictures. ANOTHER TRIPLE WONDERFUL CHECKIDY CHECK CHECK

7:30
Hang with the girls and Peter and watch him switch between 3 games CHECK

8:30
Rearrange the rock in the fish tank CHECK

9:00
Mess with the book cuz I haven't had enough CHECK

9:50
Get ISBN barcode - HORRARY site back up - CHECKITY CHECK

10:00
Blog the entire day while putting my 5 readers into a coma
BIG TIME CHECK-A-RAMA!!!!

GO NOW

Went to see Mamma Mia on Friday. It was my present to Peter celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. I have two words for you.

GO.
NOW.

I'll wait. But tickets. now...go! Shoo. What are you waiting for?

This was really THE - BEST - SHOW - EEEEEVERRRR. It's funny, exciting and brilliantly executed. The troupe that we saw at Gammage was amazing. It was a perfect night.

I dare anyone to go and not love this production. Yes, it's that good.

Noooooooooooo

This post on Angie's Blog made my little heart skip a beat...and even caused an-ever-so-small flicker of baby-wants.

Me no want more babies.

But I gotta say, there aren't many things as cute as a baby sleeping on a man. Oh heck, a baby sleeping anywhere :)

Off to daycare, or the mall, or Peter Piper Pizza to rid my brain of these evil evil thoughts! ;)

feeling better

Thanks so much (again) for the thoughts and prayers. Knowing y'all have my back gives me tremendous strength. tremendous strength! I love you for it.

On a completely unrealted and irrelevant note, Kerry don't lie Holy crap. Went to Target today and I could actually feel the skin on my arms melting. craziness. It's times like that I have to force myself to remember that Beth's weatherpixie dude whose name I can't remember wears T-shirts in December while everyone else is covered in snow. Two more months..only two more months.

One of these days I'll have a good picture of something that's actually mine...like the cover of the book!!! :)

results

It's official. My dad has cancer on his pancreas and liver. damn.

damn damn damn.

So apparently not talking about it didn't make it not real. I think I really thought it might help. But no. Dude's been handed a death sentence.

I won't lie. I'm devastated. I could barf I'm so profoundly sad. pro-fucking-foundly sad. Literally. I'm like nauseous. It's a sadness I didn't know I could feel.

Something seems harder about this than when my Mom died. Maybe it's because that was 7 years ago and the pain has faded. But see, with my mom, on some level, it was a relief. I mean she was so SO sick for oh so long that she deserved some peace. Don't get me wrong, I miss her like crazy, it was just different.

This is just such a shock. My dad's been battling back since his flatlining episode in 2000. He's been kicking ass and taking names. All that to get cancer. And it's on his pancreas to boot. That's the like big mamma jamma cancers. ugh...

He's actually doing really well. He's somehow at peace with what's going on. He keeps saying, "No matter what happens it will be okay". And he's right. It will be. But damn, why do I have to be orphaned. Why don't my girls get to have any freaking grandparents. Not one. Noah has one grandma living, but shit, he should have SIX! (Y'all get the math on that one??? don't feel like drawing up a flow chart of my family *wink*)

Noah's the one that hurts me the most. He shouldn't have to suffer such a deep loss at 8. He should be able to continue building his friendship with grandpa. He'll feel the loss. He'll know what he's missing. And that, my friends, completely breaks my heart.

shit, okay. I'm okay....breathe....I have to tell you that there is some good news. The doctors were more optimistic than I expected them to be. Dad has already started the chemo prep stuff and averages indicate that he could be around for 1-2 years. This is AMAZING news. I was thinking 6 months at the max. Of course, it could always be that quick, but then it could be longer too.

So please bear with me while I take this ride with my dad. This ride that has only one ending. I am weak and I'll need you. I believe him when he says it will be okay. But right now, I can't even imagine...

stepping out!

Okay, first, THANK YOU for like everything. Y'all rock. Seriously, I don't deserve you.

Next, I'm feeling better tonight. For a couple reasons, I'm thinking. Partly because I'm simply cried out (for now at least). I spent yesterday on the couch in the fetal position bawling and holding on the my favorite blanket. No, I'm not kidding. But I needed it (the PMS prolly didn't help matters) and I'm feeling like I can at least shower and be semi-productive.

But mainly I'm feeling better because I'm going to California this weekend. Flight leaves at 7:40 am tomorrow. Going to see my Dad for a bit before I head to up to the mountains for my 20 year high school reunion Saturday night. Scary! hahaha It'll be a long weekend with much driving but I'm looking forward to it. It'll be good to see everyone I grew up with...and even better to give my padre a humungous huge!

So while I've been gone for a while quietly licking my wounds, I'll be gone again partying it up. My dad and I have vowed to make this a fun trip. He's down right giddy with the restaurant choices he's got going on! I love him.

I'll leave you with an amazingly crappy pictures of the adorable "prayer flowers"

Kaelene brought over for me tonight. She told me, "every time you look at them know that we are praying for you" CRAP! so much for being cried out! But these are tears of hope! Love you guys!

See ya Monday!

just pray

I can't talk about it yet - only because the fear of making it real - But if you pray, how however you communicate with a high power, if you would do that for my dad (and me and my bro) right now that would be great.

I won't lie - shit ain't good.

taking a break

I've got too much going on. Wanted to let y'all know (all what? 5 of you HAHA) that I need to handle some stuff around here and need to not worry about posting.

I'll be back ... yes, that was an arnold voice :)

heaven for boys

So this is heaven, for boys. Working with bricks, pounding hammer and chisel, mixing mortar, sporting protective eyewear, WITH GRANDPA. That last part being the most important. If *I* needed him to building steps for me I'd be shot down. but nope! Not when Grandpa asks. This boy is in hog heaven working on this project. I'm told he bugged dad for days ready to get to work (Dad explained when they were going to do but then, as it does, the plan changed and the project got pushed back)

I'm excited he's having a good time. I am, however, a bit melancholy that I can't sit like that anymore :) (who am I shitting? it's been like 20 years since I could do that!)

on the dock

a random picture from the lake. Man did Kate love those dogs. OKay, well the little one at least. The big one was too cool to give a shit if Katie liked her or not.

And how did the world ever go'round before floaties?

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.
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nothing much else going on. Working like crazy. Doing a phone conference with my webmaster tonight (check the time - it'll be midnight where he is before we talk - crazy) Hopefully he sees my vision and I'll have minimal changes :)

Noah is off visiting grandpa for two weeks. So here's a pic of he and Sarah just for giggles. What a bunch of hams huh? Wonder if they've ever seen a camera before.



Anyway, it's funky now having him here. He's always been a joy of a child but now he's turning into a...I dunno...little man. It's fun just hangin with him...funky when I can't.

I cannot wait for Noah's teeth to quit dropping out so he holds him mouth normal again (will there ever be a 'normal' again?)

ouch-lost-HP5

Thought I'd give a quick recap while I sit here with a numb face. I went to my oral surgeon this afternoon and had the final stage of my dental implant put in. Now I have an OH SO attractive metal rod sticking out of my gums. nasty huh? This process took 3 surgeries (yes I'm calling todays event a surgery even though it was more like a procedure - but I'm not getting out of mommy duties tonight from a mere procedure, so SURGERY it is!) anyway, 12 months, 3 surgeries, over a week off of work, and 3 grand.. And now I'm left with a little metal rod...nice! 2000 more bucks and I can have my dentist put on a real-fake tooth. Some people won't spend 5 grand on their ENTIRE mouth in their LIFETIME. but not me. Thanks mom and dad for the shitty teeth :)

I'm feeling better about my friend's passing. Thanks for all the well wishes. His memorial service/party was Saturday night. I got all gussied up to go then couldn't find the damn place. Not sure where the hell it was. But Dann would have thought it funny that I got lost...so I'm cool with it.

Thanks to Kaelene, Peter and I were able to go see Harry Potter 5 on Sunday. GO SEE THIS MOVIE! read the books. GET INTO THIS!!! I love this story. Love Harry and every single character - yes even Snape. Until now I was not ready for this story to end. I was the only person not excited about book 7 coming out. I will miss Harry. But then I figured this author crafted such a brilliant story that she'll be able to wrap it up in a way that will have me feeling satified that Harry is 'gone'. Now I'll be at Walmart at midnight (with a gun) picking up my copy.

That's about all that's going on. Pulling an all nighter tonight. Big job that HAS HAS HAS to be done in the morning. Which remindes me, I need to work. :)

crap

remember this post? Well I just got a call that my friend, Dann, passed away last night. The cancer in his lungs, found only a few weeks ago, spread like wildfire throughout his body, his neck, and into his bones. His passing was quiet and swift and he was was calm. I am deeply saddened by this news as he was a long time friend and collegue for nearly 20 years.

Thank you, again, for all your thoughts and prayers. The family (and me) are grateful that this went fast and his suffering wasn't prolonged.

I got the call that shit was really bad on Monday. Dann's son left a message. A message I wasn't able to return. Not sure why, just couldn't call him. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. So now I'm beating myself up for not calling back, not going to see Dann. I pray he knows I was thinking of him and just how much adore (do I write adored now?) him. Anyway, I'll miss him. a lot.

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.
.

ETA - Noah has it figured out. He just came asking for something and saw me crying. Naturally, he asked what's wrong. Here's how it went.
Him: Mom, what's wrong?
Me: Oh. I just found out a friend of mine died.
Him: oh, how? heart attack?
Me: No honey, he had cancer.
Him: Oh ....pause....It's okay mom. He's right here. (motioning to the space to my left) He's right next to you.

well I suppose I should update

I'm here. Back from the va-cay-cay. Everything now is nay-nay or cay-cay. It's my thing, this week. It started cuz my (super duper cute) niece is just a crack up. She does all sorts of crazy accents and impersonations all the time. She pretty much made me laugh the entire time I was on vacation. Anyway, there's this new (new to us) card game called "hand and foot" (quickly renamed a billion times to "hand/foot/mouth disease" or "tooth and nail" or "mitten and boot" you get the drift) And in it you make "canastas" which - naturally - she called "ca-nay-nays" and our white slang was born.


The main reason for our trip was for the family reunion. Everyone showed up on Saturday. It was pretty damn cool. I love Peter's family. Seeing everyone reminds me how lucky I am to have him (sheesh - easy on the sap michelle)



here's the chillins sporting the reunion shirts I designed in like 15 minutes - Peter 'forgot' the dealine for the art and I had to do it crazy fast. Like, he called in the morning "honey? can you get the art for the shirts to the printer by noon?" My reply, "honey...what art?" niiiiiice. But I think it turned out cute. Everyone seemed to like them. Bummer you can't see the front logo thing. It's kinda cute too.

aaaaaaaaayway, I'm back. Had a GREAT time. Didn't do a damn thing. Well, not true, I ate, and drank, and ate some more and played "hand and mouth" and "nertz". Ever played Nertz? It's like speed solataire. CRAZY FUN. but beware. If you play it with your young, brilliant and lightning fast - both in mind and hand - niece you WILL get your ass kicked. okay, back to the nothingness that I did. I didn't even jet ski. That's east SYYYDE water is chilly folks. My 85 degrees loving ass wasn't having any part of that shiat. So at the table I sat. and I love every lazy ass minute of it.

OH!! I also played the guitar hero or whatever game on their XBOX. COMPLETELY addicted. MUST. HAVE. ONE. If anyone has this game PLEASE let me know. I'll pay to play it. It's super freaking cool.

Here are some picture for your viewing pleasure! haha

Here's the view from the lake house. Pretty much the sun as it is everwhere. :) Really just proof that I did, in fact, leave. LOL


Sarah being the show-off that she is. Someone (peter probably) put Emily's bikini on her and she strutted around with it on. What a hammy, man I love her.


Noah and Sarah on the pontoon boat going out to watch the fireworks. We were on a rather big lake. It's shaped like a 4 leaf clover so there's LOTS of lake front property - which equals lots of houses - which equals LOTS of boats. I think everyone was on the lake for the show. It was a darn nice show too. Nothing like sitting on a boat, drinking a beer, floating with thousands of other people celebrating our country's birthday.


Kate with the craziest dog ever, Mocha. Katie just loved her. Everyone else, not so much haha. This picture was taken at nearly 10 at night. It gets dark there SUPER LATE. It's freaky. And REALLY hard for those of us who go crazy if our kids aren't down at 7:30. They were up so late it was bananas.

There should be more pictures later this week. Most on on Peter's computer cuz we were fancy like that. Then he took his laptop to OK with him, punk ass. So this is all eyezz gotz (yeah, sorry, no idea why I'm talking like this LOL)

Not much else going on. Pumping away on the book. Work is frantic, as usual. Kids are good. and I'm back at the gym...working off all that sitting, and eating, and drinking :)

finally, for the record, I want an ipod. Not cuz I really need one. Or would ever use it. But they just work nice. They feel nice and are well engineered. and y'all know how I can't resist a product that is smooth and works right (don't go there shanna. hooker!)

and a final, FINAL note - mostly to myself. Take a freaking photography class, would ya!?!?! Them some crappy skillz going on there. Light is your friend - LEARN ABOUT IT DAYUM!

peace out yo! Shell-nay-nay has left the building :)

i'd be rich

This
is one of the things that makes me happy
VEEEERRRRRRRRRY HAPPY.

watch it. Listen to it. Check the pictures. and just TRY to be unhappy. It's impossible. go ahead, try it.

Lisa, I dare you!

Happy listening :)

feeling good

Having a good day today. Nothing big, just a bunch of little things.

like:
got bunches of prayers for my friend - always warms my heart how generous people are with their love.
and:
Finally don't feel like I'm going to die after a week of working out.
and:
got new shoes that are killer comfy and semi-cute even.
and:
got my phone to sync again. THIS IS A BIG WOO HOO. Been un-synced with my calender for far too long.
and:
going on vacation in 3 days. Going to sit and read and jet ski and laugh and hopefully be able to work on the book a little bit (yes I know, but it must be done)
and:
Got a couple jobs out the door so coming back from said vacation won't be too horrible at work.
and:
webmaster is working on the site. Nothing to see yet but he says he'll having something when I get back.
and:
just feeling good. Making lifestyle changes, mind changes, happy changes, and is'all geood. :)

do you pray?

if you do, would you shout one out for my dear friend and collegue, Dann? He's been very sick lately and it's looking like lung cancer. He's struggling with his fate and it's feared he has given up the fight.

Sorry for the bummer post. Please know I appreciate any thoughts and prayers you could send his way. He's an amazing person who could use a little boost right about now.

Peter says I have a good heart - I say I'm crazy!

OKAY. this post WILL have spoilers. so if you haven't seen "Bridge to Terabithia" and want to - DON'T READ ANY FURTHER. You have been warned. I will say what happens.




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DON'T YELL AT ME FOR SPOILING THIS MOVIE!!!

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Bought this movie. Watched it. Liked it except the freaking ending. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????!??!??! She DIES?!!!?!

I know, blah blah blah, it's not about that. It's about bigger things. but shit. She's a cutie. she made a difference. and she's freaking dead. Pisses me off. I'm sad, still, just thinking about it.

Same with Pay it Forward and Untamed heart. Great movies but I will NOT watch either again. It's just too much for me. People die, I get that. I'm actually kinda okay with it in real life (go figure) but in movies, where things are FAKE and HAPPY and pretend, people shouldn't die. Everything is supposed to be happy and shiny and bright. The guy gets the girl. The good people live on. Everyone is happy! that's the rules! DAMMIT.

As with any new movie in this house, it gets played over and over and over again. Noah is watching it right now. I made him move to the Living room. I really don't want to watch again.... stupid huh? I called Peter about it. Told him I was still sad about this damn movie to which he replied, "I know honey, you have a good heart." Another reason I'll keep him around! :)

3 reasons

Here are Peter's 3 reasons for loving every day of his life. His Children. They rock! HE rocks!!!

Happy Father's Day Babe!

who knew?

Ice contains frozen water! Filtered even.

Seriously?


no. seriously. They have to put that there? No, I mean they probably HAVE to put that there. Some dumb ass probably sued Mickie D's for not clearly labeling what's a bag of ice. That or some crack ho bought a bag for 79 cents thinking she hit the mother load and died of pnemonia after trying to smoke water. er wait, frozen water. That or the FDA requiredsevery. single. thing. to be clearly labeled. Not matter the reason, it's freaking lame. But funny!

moving forward

Pretty exciting news in the Paper Therapy world today. Found a webmaster. WOO HOO!!! This book thing looks like it really really is going to happen.

It's amazing to me how things are working out. Beyond y'all (my MAS friends) who have been my foundation during this project, I've been blessed to happen upon people who are as excited about this thing as I am. For taking over 2 years it's sure going fast.

So webdesign is moving. Business affairs are moving. Book compliation is moving. Memory Trends preparations are moving. I'm moving! It's really super duper exciting.

a little entertainment for ya

Okay, a VERY little bit of entertainment.

Sorry for the bad image. You'd think I'd take some time and learn how to take a good photo. But no. That's too. obvious.

So can you read the directions? In case you can't, here's what it says to do.

"We've dealt you a winning hand - but how fast can you find it? Five cards below form this cross pattern {oh crap can't draw the cross - check out the pic} but here's the trick: Each card has to have a difrerent symbol. Sound easy? Time yourself and see how you rate."

So try it. How long does it take ya'll??? I'm embarrassed to say how long it too me, so I'll wait until some of you chime in :)

a lost photo

I felt like blogging but don't really have anything funny or even remotely interesting to talk about so I starting digging through some pictures. Ya know, just cuz blogs with pictures are fun and don't require thoughful text.(that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.)

I found this one of Kate. It's semi-oldish, taken May 11, so like 25 days old. Or is it 24? or would it 26? how many days are in May?? I can never remember. Bloody Hell! I took it last month! there! phew...


So anyway, this is a newish thing for her. She finds any sort of fabric to use as a blanket. Here it's a napkin but sometimes is a shirt, or the stupid armrest cover thing I thought I would have thrown away forever ago but never seem to get the guts to actually toss it. Anyway, it's rarely an actual blanket. So she gets her blankie and whatever baby is handy and covers her up and pats her back. Just like they do for naptime at daycare.

Try and tell me it's not the cutest thing ever!?! Go ahead, try! Told ya! You can't do it, huh? LOVE HER! (*I* left off intentionally, just for 2KDawg)

cuteness from my brain

This is what I did at !Shanna's house last friday.


I'm such a liar. Neither of these pages are from MY brain. I copied them. Both from Creating Keepsakes, I'm pretty sure (don't have the mags with me now)

Even though I didn't come up with them, they're still mine and I Love them! And I had a great time, as per usual, with my Mas girls!

Journaling for first one - Remember when - reads:

I remember when you wore a tuxedo for the second time
(First, when I married Peter, and again, here, at your Dad's wedding)

I remember how you insisted that you dress yourself.
(All but the cufflinks and cumber bun)

I remember who was making you smile so cute.
(Peter was tickling your neck and sides)

I remember where we were during these pictures.
(On the front lawn neas the "tree of life")

I remember what a blessing you are you just by being you.
(Something I won't ever forget!)


the second might be hard to see but the strip above the word "style" says "almost in" :)

the sky is not falling!

I repeat, the sky is not falling. Nor is the end of the world near. All hell is not breaking loose. At least not in my little neck of the woods.

How do I know this, you ask? I know you're at the edge of your chair crazy with anticipation. I will relieve you of any further suspense.

Peter and I went shopping yesterday. We did A LOT of shopping. well. All lot of spending (on his part) anyway. Costco first, then Target. My two stores I USED to call my "hundred dollar stores" until I decided I'd be lucky (and pretty damn happy) to leave that place only a C-note down.

aaaaaanyway, we USED to have our routine of shopping with the kids in 100 degree heat down to the second. Not a moment wasted securing our purchases and buckling in the chillins. We must be out of practice after a long winter of perfect weather where the required get-in-the-car-as-fast-as-you-can-so-the-air-will-get-cold-quickly-so-we-don't-burst-into-flame techniques aren't necessary. I know we're out of practice because as we pulled into the garage I realized my purse wasn't with me.

Now, I won't say who (peter) was unloading the stuff (peter) from the cart or who's who's responsibility it was (peter) to make sure everything (peter) was out of there. No need to (peter) rub it in. Needless to say (okay maybe I let it slip a TEENY BIT) the purse wasn't with me.

Back to Target. This took exactly 18 hours and 23 minutes.
Back to where we parked. Which had the NOW EMPTY cart in front of the spot.
Back across the 100 acre parking lot to the store's entrance.

time stood still. Let me just explain my panic. I had my car keys and cheapo sunglasses. Other than that, everything was in my purse. I'd just cashed my last Bazzill check, so over 200 bucks cash was in there. My very expensive, practically a computer phone was in there. My 'get the most expensive blue tooth dealy' was in there. Two credit cards, bank card and ID were in there. OH! and killer D-backs tickets for this Saturday's game where in there. I guess when I write it out like that it's not my WHOLE life, but at the time, with the second ticking by like freaking molasses on a cold winter's day, it seemed like a boat load of stuff.

Time to face to music. It's gone, I just know it. No one could pass up the hundred dollar bills that I remembered I hadn't pushing in my wallet far enough so they were peeking out. The phone maybe. the tickets, maybe. But not 200 smackerooneys! Well someone DID pass it up. Someone, a young couple I'm told, turned it into the Target service counter. This couple didn't take a single thing. I'm pretty sure they didn't even peek in, as nothing seemed moved a bit (it's ordered chaos in there and I'd notice if someone straightened up LOL) Before you ask, no, they didn't leave their name, just my purse. I asked everyone at the counter, too. I wanted desperately to give them a reward. But nope. They just returned it and went about their day. How cool is that?!

So my faith in humanity is restored. Not that it really was all that tarnished. I don't tend to have The Chicken Little, sky is falling mentality. I don't buy into "gone are the good ole days" mind set. People are good. Always have been, always will be. There are a few bad ones, but for the most part, they rock. And I've got the 200 bucks, a kick ass phone and my blue tooth to prove it!

the list

Here are all the sayings for my birthday heart, err, paint chip attack. They are in no order. I'm just pulling them out of the lead crystal vase they are proudly displayed in.

Most won't make any sense to anyone but the MAS girls. If you want an explanation let me know, I'll tell the story. Each one has one :) (and truth be told, I want to tell the story of every single one right now!)

Bite me!
Happy Birthday!

Happy day after your birthday!
So are you a crack maker or crack dealer?
I bet you thought we forgot!
We love your "colorful" language
Have you SEEN my keys?
Just trying to help you pick a wall color
Good thing Peter's peter is in the right place!
I swear! Hell yah!
Let's go to Outback tonight
Yummy: Peyton Manning

Is that your natural hair color?
Bloody hell! Another Bday!
Have a (diet) coke and a smile!
We're late since Shanna had to watch the Suns game...
Paint chips. Lots. Love them.
Are you calling me fat?
Happy Birthday!
"Michelle" doesn't really work with the name game. Michelle, Michelle do bichelle...that doesn't sound so hot
Are you feeling the birthday LOOVE?
Happy Birthday!
Thanks for making out lives more "colorful"
Woohoo! A winner!
Skankalicious
Michelle-bo-belle-fee-fi-what-the-hell-ever!
SUCKERTALK!!!!

CZ Stalker!!!
Don't put my baby to sleep!
Thanks for the dinner. Why don't you just drop it on the floor. (from me - I love them all but this might be my favorite...brings me right back to that oh so fun drop-food-on-the-floor-and-burst-into-tears moment)
Chomp Chomp Chunch
What about chocolate, peanut butter, coconut and macadamia nut crack?
Birthday. So delightful.
SCADS...that's all I have to say
My MAS friends are the bomb!

Seriously?
Surprise!
I have the best friends!
Blog Nazi says: You'd better blog about this
Yes, I can watch Kate!
If you were on Survivor, we would so vote for you!

We're late because Maddy & Sadie's unflexible feeding schedule...
Ice addict
We're late since Mike was in Wickenburg
Any duplicates yet
Ice Ice baby!
Slacker!
Sing it, Elton!
Did you REALLY think that we would forget about you?!?!?
Have fun. PLAY. (I know how much you hate that word)
Happy Birthday!
Is George Michael your Father Figure?
I would LICK Captain Jack cleeean!
Thanks for the sticks
I planned ahead & wrote mine a few at a time so my hand wouldn't hurt.
Have you lost your keys for the week yet?
You are lookin' fine!
You are a goddess!
Did you think we were *that* lame?
Is it your birthday???
Had birthday. Ate cake. Delightful.
You have very weird friends.
Quick!! Let's stop at Taco Bell!
Book? What book? *You're* writing a book? I had no idea.

We. Don't. Spoon!
Can you feeel the loooove toooo-niiight?
I swear...
We're late because one of Beth's kids had another sports event...
You kwow what I could use right now? Some ice chips :)
Bow Chicka Bow Wow

6 trips to Target and no skewers
*WINNER* Just kidding. there's nothing to win
(okay maybe I was wrong - THIS ONE is killer funny/clever/perfect/favorite!)
Don't you think we're Heee-larious?
S*L*A*C*K*E*R
(written on a super dark blue chip) Can you even read this?
Happy Birthday!
WHAT is that smell? sniff sniff smells like Easter Eggs
I've got CPS on my speed dial
HBTY haha! figure out what that means (and no, I haven't!)
HO!
Walk like an Egyptian...
Let's just call this color "dillweed"

PHEW!! that's every single one of them. After, of course, the front row of sticks that said H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y M I C H E L L E

Pretty clever huh? I love you girls!!! Thanks again!

not that y'all didn't already know

I.
have.
the.
bestest.
friends.
E.V.E.R.



Pretty much knew it was coming. I mean, I realize it's 'wrong' to expect someone to do something for you birthday. But let's be real, we did Shanna's two days ago. It'd be almost mean to really stop at me :) And these people are too good to be cruel :)

Kerry, Beth, Maddy, and Shanna heart attacKed my house last night. This has become quite a wonderful tradition between us. Each birthday (and sometimes even 'fake' birthdays) we do something clever and personal and purely hysterical. Their idea for me - which *I* thought might be hard - because I'm SO hard to make fun of (bwhaha) was PAINT CHIPS! A spin off of when I painted my wall in the living room like a freaking jail cell. PERFECT!

These girls are GOOD!!!

They chipped in and got me a pedicure at a local spa. YUM!!! This is desparately needed. I won't even think about if *they* noticed it's needed. I'll just happily take and and get them tooties purdied up. :)

Then, to top it off. In reference to this debate Maddy gave me the two pairs of pants she was going to toss. SOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!

Have I mentioned that I love these girls!? seriously! I don't deserve you guys. Thanks for putting up with me and making me feel super duper special!

I'll post some of the sayings that are written on the paint chips. I'd do it now but I'm leaving them out there for a while longer. They make me happy. And I'm not too proud to show off my amazingly cute lawn.

LOVE YOU!

It's my berfday :)

This is my Easter lamb pez dispenser that I 'stole' form the girls and who usually hangs out with me at my desk and waves HI! He makes me smile so I thought I'd share him on 'my' day.

Happy birthday to me!











(and yes...I'm shamlessly announcing that today is my birthday. I figure if I don't enbrace it now, I never will. 38 is a lotta years to try'n embrace. The little gasp followed by a bit GULP reminded me of how hard it is to embrace!)

24 hours of perfection!

I know I'm not alone when I says My "day" ROCKED. We all have some pretty kick ass families and I'm confident you, too, were properly pampered on Mother's Day. But seriously, I looooooooooooved every second of it. I'll break it down:

The girls woke at 5:30, as usual, and rather than having to get up I tapped Peter and he jumped out of bed, "I've got'em" he said. sweeeeet. Went back to sleep until 10ish when I got up long enough to drink the Diet Coke waiting for me in the fridge. Downed that and back to bed. till noon! NOON PEOPLE. I literally slept the morning away without interruption. without hearing screams in the background. And without having a 102 temp (sorry shanna!)

noon. How I love noon. That, it itself would have been enough. But you know it doesn't end there.

* The girls were perfect, playing nicely outside (Noah was with his Dad)
* I laid on the couch in my jammies watching mindless TV and playing the breaker game on my phone.
* My brother came over along with one of Sarah's friends from school and we all went swimming.
* Peter took us to Outback Steakhouse. I totally dig that place.
* We came home to my favorite ice creak (moose tracks) that P bought special for me.

I dunno, it was just a great day. Peter went out of his way to make me feel special and taken care of. Throughout the day he did little teeny things, little thoughtful things. Like bring me a donut and glass of milk for no reason. Like get me a beer while waiting at Outback without being asked. Of course, bringing me flowers, which is does so well.

My kids were amazing too. All cute and cuddly. Each made me a cute something from school. and they all kept hugging on me and wishing me a happy day. Even this morning they "slept in" until 6:35. Which was a killer way to start my Monday.

I know Peter was really stressed that he didn't have time to "get" me anything big. He usually does but with traveling so much (he left again this morning) it just wasn't happening. I was totally okay with it. And seriously, there isn't any 'thing' that I'd want more than the kind of day I had.

He is making me an appointment for a massage. That rocks my socks off too!!! :)

haven't had much to say

I haven't blogged much mainly because I haven't had crap to say. I'm busy. We're all busy. I've been sick. who hasn't? Peter's gone, again. Nothing special. But for me it's been kinda....crappy. So in an effort not to put my bitching in type I've just been quiet. But today, while at the Mother's Day Party at Noah's school something happened that was worth talking about. And didn't involved complaining.

Each child wrote a poem and then read it in front of the entire class (and all the moms) This was Noah's.


Now, he's no literary genius. Pretty sure I know where he got that LOL But this is extra special. It's an Acrostic Poem and the word (der) is MOTHER. What's sweet is "t" - Two Moms. It made me feel so damn good to know that he included Angela (his step-mom) in his thoughts about Mother's Day.

I suppose some would be freaked. Had you told me this wouldn't chap my hide 8 years ago I'd have for sure said you were crazy. Two moms??? That's GOT to be insulting, right?

naahh.... he does. He's blessed to have two families. Two moms. Two dads. countless cousins. Loving aunt's and uncles. He's truly loved. And I'm loved by him. That's got to feel good.

To make this poem even cooler I was able to show Angela. She picked him up at school and I dropped by while she was in the carpool lane. (I did have 'official' bizness of dropping of his baseball uniform lest you think I drove across town just to show her this) I explained about the poems and pointed out the "two moms" part. She got all choked up. It's was kick ass. She was so touched. I couldn't help but feel good for having shown her.

She was super cute, too, asking if I was okay with that. HELL YEAH I am, I assured her.

I'm his Mom. I'm confident in that. I don't see myself getting demoted LOL And, besides, there's certainly enough love in his heart to go around.

So that's what I have to say right now. My kiddo rocks! And he's got two - kick ass - moms!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

you sure I'm not blonde?

wow, what a day. While I'm not grumpy about it, I'm glad it's nearly over. I just wrote out this mamoth post giving y'all the play by play of aggravating events that made up my day. I'm deleting all but one. I'll leave you with my dumb ass moment of the day.

After I get Noah off to school I load the girls into the van to drop them off. Click. click. click. T
hat's the only sound the damn thing was making. Dead battery. Must have hit 100 degrees yesterday. I always lose my battery first day the temp rises.

No biggie. I've got Peter's truck and jumper cables. right? WRONG. Can't find the cables. Call Peter, no answer. Call bro, he's in Maricopa. Call Peter, again and again and again. Call one of the guys from work. Here's how that convo went. It's 8:03am, he's been there 3 minutes. haha
Me: Hey Carlos, My car is dead, Peter's out of town, you think you can come jump me?
Carlos: Huh? what?
Me: I have a dead car and Peter's truck, but no cables. Can you help me?
Carlos: So you have two cars? why can't you drive the other one?
Me: HAHAHAHAH yeah. no shit huh? DERR! nevermind.

Felt like a complete moron!

It all ended well. I took the girls to school in Peter's truck and, after some begging, borrowed a set of cables. Called my brother and he walked me through jumping the car without blowing myself to smithereens. All before 8:30am.

tag

Well I'll for sure mess this up! I've been tagged by Lisa and the rules say you give 7 little known facts about yourself and then tag 7 people. BWHWHWHAAA good one. Like I know 7 people who haven't already been tagged. Oh well...I'll try.


ONE:
I eat the same breakfast every single day, for months on end. Right now it's a Sausage Egg Biscuit from Mickey D's. Before that it was the Chibata breakfast sandwich from Jack in the Box, before that french toast sticks. On and on and on. I'll eat something until I can't possibly eat another, and then I'm never able to eat it again.

TWO:
I'm a slow reader. Love to do it, but I'm slow at it.

THREE:
I hate swimming in the ocean. Like looking at it, think it's truly amazing (can't watch a sunset without tearing up) but I don't like the salt water and I'm afraid of the waves. WELL! Except for the beaches at St. Thomas. I could live IN that water.

FOUR:
I pull at my eyelashes when I tired. I used to do it all the time, as a stress reliever. For some reason I stopped that, but still do it when I'm ready for bed. So you can always tell when I really need to go to sleep, I start effing with my lashes.

FIVE:
I am riddled with self-doubt and often wonder why people put up with my bullshit.

SIX:
I refuse to be sad, or to mourn, on the anniversary of my Mother's death. I wish she were her. I wish I could talk to her again. But I know I will, someday. I know I'll see her again. She's always been one step ahead of me anyway, so to me she's just doing things now that someday I'll do too.

SEVEN:
I found that I'm pretty much an open book and coming up with things that few people know is really hard.

Here are the next victims.
Kaelene
Laura
Beth (sorry girl! but I left ya Mo and Jamie and Karan. How nice am I??? haha)
Tammi
Angelia (are you still out there??)
Yea, that's all I got.