the beaded payload

There's an American Express commercial in here somewhere, I just know it. I plan on scrapbooking a page of our breading weekend and want to do journalling like that. Lemme give it a shot.

Trip for two to the bead store for crystals, head pins, toggles and other random, but very "necessary", gemstones: $295

Lunch for two adults including 'bribe-food' cookies and sodas for 2 children for begin good at the bead store: $19.85

Second trip for two to the bead store for more random gemstones and much needed silver wire: $260

One half-size chocolate cake and two large diet sodas for midnight snack: $7.53

Staying up till 2 in the morning, 3 nights in a row, fueled by cake, diet soda and beer, and beading 8 bracelets, 9 pendant drops and one pair of earrings with my best friend: Priceless.

 

Seriously good times. 

in all fairness

These two are pretty damn cute too.

These were taken at Kate's birthday in April. We went to Chili's with the family. About as low key as you can get, just the way we like it.
 
coming next...the whipped cream pictures....



they are of KATE eating whipped cream....you perverts ;) sheesh 

yummmy

I could just eat this girl up. This pic is from Noah birthday back in March but I just love it. It's not great but it makes me happy.
  

wondering what I've been up to?

Well this is one of the most recent projects that's been keeping me away.

This is only 4 of the 54 pages this book ended up being. It's a gratitude journal of sorts for the Nun who teaching the OCIA (or brainwashing class as I call it) at my church. She's leaving us after 11 years so I thought I'd just wipe this up (bwhahahah)
  

I'm here

well sorta.

Been a hard week...and yikes, it's only Tuesday. My mouth pain came back hard and heavy Saturday night. Been nursing that.

Had this HUGE church scrapbook to finish sunday. Got it done and it's amazing. I'll post some pictures, when I get to downloading them.

Then volunteered for another huge project for Noah's teachers that's due Friday. Open mouth insert foot.

Of course, I have a class tomorrow that's still not kitted LOL I'm such a dork!

Then, as a major bummer, my very dear, totally wonderful, super amazing, Great Aunt Kathy has only days to live. She has stage 4 breast cancer and is in a hospice house. I've had to wrestle with that sadness. She's super duper busy with visitors around the clock. She was a school teacher forever and has a HUUUUUUUGE following. My dad is there now and has been playing "door monitor" there are so many people. Her husband takes the night shifts and reads her all the incoming emails. she loves it. So I finally wrote my mammoth 3 pager last night and called her today. Strange (and hard and sad and sucky) talking to someone knowing you won't be talking to them again.

So that's what's up. I haven't od'ed on the crack. But I kinda have on reality.

feeling better

The high is gone.
The pain has subsided.
I remember my name.
Things are looking up.

:)

weeeeeeeeeeeee

drugs..............are..............good.................

I'll do a 'real' post tomorrow. If I remember who I am

and how to log on to the net

and if I get out of this drug induced stupor that has taken away the pain....



aaahhh......no pain.... it's a good thing. You think Martha would say that about drugs? It's a good thing? Probably not. Normally I wouldn't either. But I know now how people get hooked on this stuff. I tell you what, if I lived with pain like so many people do I'd be hustlin' my tail off the get me some'mo of this.

Yes, I'm rambling. Yes, I'm high. Time for nighty night. :)

JUST SAY NO! LOL

ow

My mouth hurts. Can I just say that oral surgery sucks?

In case y'all were wondering, when a surgeon says you're going to be in pain for 2 days they mean actual PAIN. They imply (or I hope) that after 2 days you'll be back to normal.

THEY LIE.
I'm not.

Sure, the major pain is gone after those 2 little days. Big whoop. The soreness, throbbing, tightness and fatigue is still there. And if feels like it's never going to go away.

So that's where I've been. Been on my couch sleeping on an icepack, eating ice (okay so that's one good thing - being ordered to eat ice) and wishing I could take this surgery thing back.

And to think I've dealt the with pain of childbirth...

I owe a big HUGE shout out to my friends

Seriously, I have great friends, and I need to thank them.

I had oral surgery today. As a result I had some coordination issues to deal with. Mainly, who was going to take care of Kate for the day. It was quite complicated as my day, as is everyone else's, is full of all those motherly duties. I booked this surgery at a very bad time for Peter's work (much to his dismay) so that was another complication.

I had to get Noah ready to school pick up. Then get Sarah to school. Then do whatever I figured out to do with Kate for the entire day. Then figure out how to get too and from the surgeon. Figure out how was going to pick up the kids,include the carpool kids, from school.

As this while on my dose of valium! haha

Well Beth ( sorry can't figure out to make a hot link) http://mcgrathmania.blogspot.com/
TOTALLY saved the day with Kate. As per her usually awesome self she took Kate for the entire day. Even dropped her back home at 5:00. I am so thankful for that. Really. I love you Beth. I couldn't have done it without you.

Then Kaelene and her mom made dinner for the family, brought it over and SERVED it up for us. AWESOME stuff. She made a to-die-for meat pie, au grautin potatoes and steamed veggies. It was perfect. I'm only supposed to be eating cold, non spicy foods yes. But this was just too good to not eat. I let everything was cool down and ate slowly and carefully - and I don't regret it. Not even a little bit.

So thank you my friends. Thank you! You made my day. You made this day easy. It hasn't gone unnoticed.

I love you both!

I love flowers

Just had to say that. I love them. They make me smile.
 
I know I'm a little late, but HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

love,
m 

the little white stool

So I was at the Goodwill a couple weeks ago and ran across this little white step stool. I decided to pick it up because, a.)it was in good condition b.) Sarah could use it to reach the sink and c.) it was only 4 bucks.

 
You see, Sarah is starting to potty train (Fun for me) so I figured being able to reach the sink all by herself would be a good idea. Yes, I realize, this earns me the Mother-of-the-year award! So I buy it.

Well that has to have been the best 4 bucks I've ever spent. She loves this thing. And I mean L.O.V.E. She carries it everywhere. She even tries to take it with her in the car. I do draw the there. I mean I can't be driving around in my oh-so-sexy mini-van with a 2 year who's got a step stool on her lap. That would just be too much ;)

So she doesn't get to take it everywhere but it does sit still for long.
Sometimes she sits on it.
Sometimes she stands holding it.
Sometimes she flips it over and lays next to it.
Sometimes she carries it around like it's a baby doll.

It's all good. I don't mind. I do find it slightly ironic that the stool that I bought so she can be a big girl and wash her hands without being smushed into the vanity while I hold her up doens't actually spend much time in the bathroom. 

it's saturday night and I ain't got no'body

okay I do got someone.
and man do I love him.
 
Just a super quick note before I go out because I haven't updated in 2 days.

Peter's taking me to dinner and a movie for my birthday/mother's day/date night/just for the hell of it. I'm excited.

so I'm waiting on him (yes this is a first) and thought I'd say hi. and bye!

love,
m 

Shanna, have you seen this? (and can I post it teehee)

Did I ever show you this page of your OOOOOOOOH SO CUTE Cassidy?????? I love it. Well I love the picture so much and scrapping it was fun :)

  

bless his heart

So I take the pictures in the family. I've tried to get Peter to take some and sometimes he actually does. He loves my camera so that does make it easier (It is a fun camera :) )

So I was watching Kate and Sarah in the shade a couple games ago so Peter took the camera. He got a couple really nice shots too. I keep telling him to just shoot and shoot. I can either throw them away later or, like in this case, make fun of him.

You see, when I say "take lots of pictures" I'm not kidding around. I mean to A L O T of pictures. But I suppose I do mean pictures of someone who is MOVING. Or at least doing something. Peter took me literally and just kept shooting away with not real thought as to how exactly the same the pictures were going to be.
 
Case in point. Here are nine shots of Noah's backside. And yes, believe it or not these are 9 DIFFERENT shots. Hard to tell huh? Noah's hasn't budged. Not even a little bit.

Granted, I like the shot. It's cool how he's in "gunfighter" position. Being ready for the ball is good. But 9 shots, really? That's necessary? hahaha I asked Peter about it and he just laughed his ass off. He's thinks it's totally funny. And I'll admit, I think it's funny too. I think I might try to do a page about it even. :)

Have I mentioned how much I love digital? I could have found out at 20 cents a piece and 1/3 of roll of film that Noah actually can stand still for 9 seconds. 

  

that's better

I couldn't leave you with a messy Katie.
 
Here's our thumbsucker.


mmm...can't even talk. I just wanna look at her. 

Okay Beth!

You asked for it you got it! Here's a picture from this year!   

Holy Crap - this was 6 months ago!

This is Kate, SIX MONTHS AGO. This is at her baptism which was december 11, 2005. She turned one in April. Wow....I've really lost a lot of time haven't I?
 
aw well. what's a little lost time. This is who I've spent it with :) Can't be that. 

Kids 1 and 2

I'm brilliant...send out an email to people that I'm updating my blog again...mention how I'm braggin about my kiddos...and don't even have a good picture of any of them. Sorry about that!

Here's Noah and Sarah taken at Kate's Baptism a couple months ago.
 
I dunno...I think they're pretty damn cute. don't you?! 

check it!

I took the plunge. After how long with my first Quick Kutz? Like 2 years? And 2 years of HATING it I decided to get the new and improved 'SQUEEZE'. It was the 'studio' font that did me in. I couldn't stand not having it. Well that and I had the option of getting the tool in PINK. aaahh...I love pink. I figure even if I hate this one too it's too cute to pack away. At least I'll be able to enjoy the look of it.
 

I also got the punctuation set. Love it. My tool (have to admit I feel like a 'tool' saying "my tool" but alas...that is what it is) also came with the "Olivia" font. It's dang cute! I just did a page for the Scrappin' Sampler I'm working at down at Scrapbooks, Etc. for National Scrapbook Day. It's cute, simple - but cute. I used the square brackets [ ] like in [randomness] and the studio font. It says " i [heart] u" Well except the heart doesn't actually say heart - it's a shape. UGH! I'm making it sound lame. I'll take a picture and post it tomorrow. 

It's a hit!

Here's my little stud. Man he's cute, isn't he?
This was is first at bat. He got a single on this one. Second was a double and his he got a homerun on this third at bat. He rocks!

 

Good job to Peter who took this shot! He got some good ones. Thanks babe! 

do we like this template???

Look around. Like it? The Architectural stuff up there in the right is cool...especially cool being in pink. And it's clean and simple, which I like. But really, I need help. I can't find a template I REALLY like. Well the one Maddy has is cool. My favorite out of the Blogger one...but Maddy has it and, well, I don't want to be a copy cat. *wink*

SO!? Should I keep this one? Or should I keep looking???

I ask because I really want to add my favorite blogs to my blog but I lose all that 'custom' stuff when I change my template style (which is why all y'all aren't linked anymore :( )

should it stay or should it go???

m

He doesn't even know me

I'm offically crushed. My husband doens't even know me. He thinks my eyes are blue. BLUE!?!?!?

I think not - here's the proof.


  

two cornies on a plate

This is for real. I'm not kidding. We cooked corndogs on Valentine's Day (not sure where that ranks on the "pathetic at romance" meter but it's gotta be up there) and this is what we got. Happy little cornies...
 
And people don't believe in signs... :) 

I'll show you mine....

will you show me yours?
Your DESKTOP I mean - you freaks!

This is mine. This has been my desktop for over 2 years. I should update it as I've had another whole kid (who just turned one) since this picture has been taken. But I just love it. Sarah's cute chubby arms and hairless head. CUTENESS!

I'll admit I got this itea from a thread on 2peas (again I need to learn how to link) but I thought it was cute. come on, let me see yours!

must.have.this

I really really REEEEEALLY need to make myself one of these. Or have someone ***calling someone*** make me one of these. I saw this on Cathy Z's blog. (I need to learn how to do a link thing ugh)


I LOVE IT! love love love....

must...... have............this...........

Someone please hook a girl up :)

this is me

Just playing around now that my image thing is working. This is a page I did for Hall of Fame. Didn't win, didn't deserve to (I realize now) but I've got a fun page about myself that I wouldn't have done otherwise.

okay OKAYYYY I'm updating

Yeah...been a total slacker about this whole blog thing. SORRY! Saw my friend Tammi on Saturday and she said, "yeah I thought you let it expire or something" Okay, that's not good. Especially when I don't think this even has an expiration date.

One of the problems, besides just not having the time and the energy at the same time, is that blogger wasn't totally working right. Like I couldn't insert an image without all this drama. I create enough drama on my own I don't need any help from Blogger, thank you very much. So that was annoying and I like having pictures. But that teeny tiny mountain icon that's the 'insert image' button seems to be working so I can add pictures now. woo hoo!

I say all that and this post won't have pictures...but that's another story. ;)

Wanna know why? no? too bad! Here's why. I suck. yep! I was having problems with my camera and didn't know how (okay I didn't even try) to fix it. I finally did today. Pretty simple really. I had to change the curvy graph picture to just the picture and not the picture and the 'raw' symbol. Yeah, lame huh? don't know how that got changed but when it was on that raw thingie I was only able to take like 60 pictures (rather that 260) and that was just a pain in the ass. I mean why have a 1 gig card when you can only take 60 pictures. But it's all good now. THANK GOD!

So the first thing I took pictures of was this stupid little step stool I got for 4 bucks at the Goodwill. I bought it for Sarah so she could wash her hands after going pee pee (we are potty training........fun) Well this is now her all time favorite thing. The stool that is, not washing her hands. Well, I take that back. She pretty much loves washing her hands too. Lake Mead is probably a foot lower with all the water she's wasting washing her hands. What's crazy is that they are still always sticky. Haven't figured that one out yet. Guess that's the life of a 2 year old.

but I digress...

oh yeah! The stool. So she loooooooves this thing. She carries it everwhere. She stands on it to turn on the tv. She does this even though she can easily reach the buttons. She sits on it next to me when I'm playing with Katie on the floor. She puts it in front of the coffee table and stands next to it while watching TV in the family room. It's like it's just gotta be near. It's kinda funny....kinda annoying. Annoying because when it's time to go out and this stool is glued to her hip it's hard to explain to her that she can't take in the car with her.

Fortunately, my kids are pretty good about leaving things at home. Otherwise I could see her sitting there in her carseat with this big ass step stool on her lap. Some battles are not worth fighting, ya know?

All in all I guess it was 4 bucks well spent. :)

okay OKAYYYY I'm updating

Yeah...been a total slacker about this whole blog thing. SORRY! Saw my friend Tammi on Saturday and she said, "yeah I thought you let it expire or something" Okay, that's not good. Especially when I don't think this even has an expiration date.

One of the problems, besides just not having the time and the energy at the same time, is that blogger wasn't totally working right. Like I couldn't insert an image without all this drama. I create enough drama on my own I don't need any help from Blogger, thank you very much. So that was annoying and I like having pictures. But that teeny tiny mountain icon that's the 'insert image' button seems to be working so I can add pictures now. woo hoo!

I say all that and this post won't have pictures...but that's another story. ;)

Wanna know why? no? too bad! Here's why. I suck. yep! I was having problems with my camera and didn't know how (okay I didn't even try) to fix it. I finally did today. Pretty simple really. I had to change the curvy graph picture to just the picture and not the picture and the 'raw' symbol. Yeah, lame huh? don't know how that got changed but when it was on that raw thingie I was only able to take like 60 pictures (rather that 260) and that was just a pain in the ass. I mean why have a 1 gig card when you can only take 60 pictures. But it's all good now. THANK GOD!

So the first thing I took pictures of was this stupid little step stool I got for 4 bucks at the Goodwill. I bought it for Sarah so she could wash her hands after going pee pee (we are potty training........fun) Well this is now her all time favorite thing. The stool that is, not washing her hands. Well, I take that back. She pretty much loves washing her hands too. Lake Mead is probably a foot lower with all the water she's wasting washing her hands. What's crazy is that they are still always sticky. Haven't figured that one out yet. Guess that's the life of a 2 year old.

but I digress...

oh yeah! The stool. So she loooooooves this thing. She carries it everwhere. She stands on it to turn on the tv. She does this even though she can easily reach the buttons. She sits on it next to me when I'm playing with Katie on the floor. She puts it in front of the coffee table and stands next to it while watching TV in the family room. It's like it's just gotta be near. It's kinda funny....kinda annoying. Annoying because when it's time to go out and this stool is glued to her hip it's hard to explain to her that she can't take in the car with her.

Fortunately, my kids are pretty good about leaving things at home. Otherwise I could see her sitting there in her carseat with this big ass step stool on her lap. Some battles are not worth fighting, ya know?

All in all I guess it was 4 bucks well spent. :)

ERRR!!

Dammit man. I just wrote this long ass post about my stupid new fish and while spell checking it it disappeared. Sorry y'all....cant' do it again right now.

stupid spell check. Like I give a damn if I make sense!

he forgot her

He, my husband, forgot all about her, out baby, Kate. Seriously, F.O.R.G.O.T. her.

Here's the deal. We have a pretty simple nighttime routine. It has to be simple because by the end of the day I need simple. I can't handle the story time, the snuggle time, the "I need a drink" excuse, the 45-minute saga of getting them to bed. So I don't. The rest of the day is for all that. Bedtime is for sleeping.

This is how it goes. Around 7:30 and 7:45 we have Noah change his clothes and we give him 5 minutes to do with what he likes. He usually picks cartoons. Cool.

One of us changes Sarah, give her her medicine (stupid sinuses), tells her it's time to say goodnight, walks her into her room, put her in bed, she asks to be covered up, we cover her up, she says, "thank you" (how cute is that?!?), we leave, done.

We come back out and give Noah his 2 minute warning. Then 1 minute. Then bed. He usually comes out once asking me when I'm coming it to kiss him goodnight (as sometimes it's right away when he's still awake and sometimes it needs to be later because I have to leave in which case I tell him I'll come in after he's fallen asleep.) He's done.

During all this Kate is taking her evening nap. I find it odd she needs an evening nap, but she does. At this point my duties are done. It's Peter's job (which he loves) to wake Kate, change her, make her nighttime bottle, feed her and put her back down.

ALL THIS to get to last night. I finished getting the first 2 down and left for Barnes and Noble. I've finished all 6 Harry's and needed something to read. I leave, I shop, I find, I buy, I hang out, I read, I return, no biggie.

Morning comes and Kate's awake early. This is odd but I figure Noah woke her as he's known to do because he digs playing with her before school. I go in and she's in the clothes she wore yesterday. huh. "We must be out of jammies." I think to myself. Pick her up. Huh? Diaper seems full. "She must be growing out of this outfit making her diaper appear larger than it is," I, again, think to myself.

K. So, get the 2 big ones off to school and come back to feed Kate. I notice the lid is on the formula. *I* am the only person who actually puts the lid back on the formula. Peter never does it (which makes me nuts, but that's another topic). Now I KNOW something's up. I check the new box of rice cereal (that he puts into the nighttime bottle) Unopened.

He totally forgot to feed the baby. Didn't change her. Didn't feed her. Hell, he didn't even remember he had her!

Aw well. It could have been worse. He could have forgotten her on the top of the car!

trick or treat

Here they are, my little angels. Who weren't angels at all. At least not in costume. :)

We had a fabulous time on Halloween. The kids were, in fact, angels. I couldn't have asked for better behavior from them. Noah finally got into it. I was starting to wonder about him. But he's 6 now and ran around totally getting into the whole thing. He dug it all. The decorated houses. The candy (duh). The other kids. He even gave a respectful "thank you" at each house. That's my boy!

Sarah didn't quite get it. We had to pursuade her to go up to the door, then we'd have to coax her to leave the door. This happened every time, which caused us to skip many houses. Which is fine by us because she doesn't even see the candy at all anyway. So the less she has the less we have to eat. Even though it was slow going she seemed to really have fun.

And finally, Kate. Yeah, she slept! She was cute doing it though! :)

We also got a good bunch of trick-or-treaters, so I'm told by my brother, his girlfriend and her 'Granny' who stood post at our house while we went out as a whole (thanks guys!) Our neighborhood has been known to have many (okay hundreds) of kids (okay young adults) trucked in for the "good" candy. I guess we have a reputation. Or we did anyway. There seemed to be less this year. That or I'm just getting used to it and it didn't bother me. Which is fine with me too.

So that was our evening in a nutshell. Had a great time and there wasn't a nasty candy corn in sight. So I'm left with pics of cute kids and good candy. :)

not much time

Been a crazy day already (it's only 10:00 am) and I don't see an end in sight. Then, when do I not have a crazy day eh? I say that like y'all would know something about me seeing how much I update this thing. ah well, sorry!

In my rush of a day I thought I'd share this little story for you today. It made me smile. Email is good.

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more churches than there are casinos. It's no surprise, though, that many worshippers at weekend services donate casino chips instead of cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have joined together in a method to cash-in the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery. For a small fee, the chips are sorted, returned to the casinos of origin, and proceeds forwarded to the respective churches.

This is all done by the chip monks.

Didn't see that coming, did you?

chew on this...super deep

So I decided to sponsor a canidate through the conversion process at our Church (Catholic Church, not some crazy cult like church, not that Catholics aren't crazy!) We meet every Monday to be taught be the Sister for an hour then break into groups and go over the readings for the next week and discuss them at length. Even though I call it my "brainwashing class, I think it's very cool.

In last week's class a couple things really hit home to me, and I decided to share. While Sister was explaining how Christ died for allour sins and that his love is poured on everyone she went deeper into loving your neighbor. The Church believes you must not only love God, and your neighbor, but stangers and even your enemies, for that is what Christ did.

yea, that's easier said than done. But we try right?

She went on to say that if you (and I will not say this like she did, I'll likely butcher it, but trust me it sounded cool coming out of her mouth) if you choose not to love all that you can't truly say that you love God. That you have earned the right to say that.

wow. ouch.

Then, in our groups the leader said something that really hit it home. He quoted the Father of our parish, saying, "Your relationship with God is only as strong as your relationship with your worst enemy"

again, ow!

But, after thinking about this a bit I'd say it's true. Especially since
I tend to be my worst enemy. Something I need to work on, loving myself. How does it go? You can't give away something you don't have? So, if I don't love myself how can I love others, even my God.

Told ya it was deep.

glasses

sometimes i wish I wore glasses. The cool funky looking ones that seem to be so damn cute on my friends. I wanna wear them (damn this 20/20 vision) so I an look 'cool'. I sometimes think that if I actually wore these cute, hip, funky glasses that I'll be cool. But then I realize - slash - admit to myself - that it's the person who is cool.

not the glasses.

ooooooooooh! the pressure

It's halloween costume picking time and I'm about ready to lose my mind. I love halloween. Love it! But the need to outdo myself every year is just torture.

Noah's always been pretty easy. When he was little little he was "Noah" (duh!) and then a duck, then Hopper-the big grasshopper from The Bug's Life, Then Hopper again (it was a really cool costume and what the hell, he was 4 and we'd just changed schools so no one saw it HAHA) then Spiderman, then Batman. He's now old enough to have a real say it what he is and the pressure is off that *I* have chosen his costume. So it's either a football player or skeleton. That's what he wants and I'm cool with that.

Boy stuff. Easy peasy.

Sarah....ahh....my little girl. FINALLY! girl costumes. She was a Pea in a pod. and DAYUM was she cute. Then last year her costume ROCKED! She was a Hula Dancer. She had the coconut top and grass skirt. It was too die for. Everyone loved it. It was a proud costume picking moment.

So now I've got TWO girls to dress. ugh. the pressure. I found a simply adorable Princess Leia costume for Kate. But it's like 60 bucks. I'm sure I'll end up spending that much for a 6 month old's costume she'll hate being in. But I'm not ready to fork out that much money just so I can have people oogle at her and her insane cuteness. yet.

How do I top last year? Hula girl? Please...it's not top-able. Trust me. She was WAY cute.

I suppose could put her in the leia costume and then use it again next year for Kate. But I know me. I know I'll lose the stupid thing, or forget where I put it, or decide next year that I don't wanna copy costumes and I'll end up buying some other overpriced costume all to feed my ego that I have the best dressed little trick or treaters ever!

What's funny is I'm SO not this person who really cares what people think about my kids....or so I thought.

an open letter to the baby wearing mothers group who meet for lunch at the pizza place on fridays

I'm all for women's groups. I really am. I would even consider myself an integral part of one. Like your group, we get together to eat and chat and laugh and trade stuff. It's a good time.

There are some differences, however.

Starting with our kids. Yeah...we leave our kids at home. In our group, like yours, we have many kids. I do believe that we have children older than 4. I was impressed when I saw, between the 7 of you, something like 27 kids none of them over the age of 4. Impressive numbers. OH Wait! I take that back. There was one girl I guessed to be about 9. She looked bored to tears. I mean being at a children's pizza place with your mom, her friends and 47 little...darlings by yourself must be torture. But Maybe she was in trouble, who knows? Did she rob a bank or something?

But I digress.

On the occasion that the children join us I must say we tend to know where they are and what they are doing. A concept seemingly lost on all 7 of you. You see, while you 'wear' you infants in your lovingly handmade slings (and boy do they look comfy *eyeroll*) your remaining 72 children are running around like kids on crack. Is this the only time they get out? Do they realize they are in public? Do they know that the 3 seater horsy ride already has (paying) children riding it and that 8 more kids can't 'hitch a ride' without someone falling off or getting mawled?

Or course they don't. They're kids.

That's your job. Your responsibility. Believe it or not, the high schooler working the toy shop isn't going to properly correct your children on the ins and outs of sharing the horsy toy. Or waiting their turn for the baskball hoop. And I don't particulary like watching 2 year olds (who's parents are watching) get pushed off a ride because you are too busy coordinating your used clothing swap.

Did you even know they were running around crazed, hopped up on cinnamin crunch dessert pizza, without a thought of anyone else around them? Or do you believe that because you 'wear' your children until they are nearly two that they will require little (or no) supervision once you detached them from your hip?

And finally, let's talk about the nursing. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for nursing. I nursed all 3 of my kids. I know 'breast is best' and all. blah blah blah. Get that. But honestly, do you think the rest of the restaurant wants to see your exposed breast flop around whilst your little darling decides she's more interested in watching the 147 cracked out wild banchee children than staying latched?

To be fair, I'll admit I can't speak for the team of construction workers having lunch, or the group of teenagers hanging out while on fall break, or even the band of employees cleaning tables after the lunch rush. Who knows, I think those teenage boys might have enjoyed the peep show. I, however, prefer not to see a stanger's breast while having pizza with my 1st grader.

But then I sat there feeding my baby a bottle while she lay quietly in her carseat, so what do I know of parenting!

I'm thinking I'm ready!

okay...breathe. I can do this!

Been gone a while. Have you noticed? Yeah, life has been a tad crazy over here, and well, my brain took a beating. When I say I've been gone I don't only mean from here. I mean from LIFE. Funny (not funny haha) how that works...once your mind starts to slip. It's hardly noticable at first. It's all so gradual. It's not until it's about 1/2 gone that you start to wonder what's going on, thinking, "something's not right here"

But you push it aside and figure it'll get better, tomorrow.

Well 2 years of tomorrows have past and things weren't getting better. Things were getting worse even. Not good. Let me just tell you, I wish someone would have told me about Post Pardum Depression (wait - somebody probably did - or nevermind that!) Yeah, that's some bad mamma-jamma stuff going on there. PPD. yuck.

Briefly (as briefly as I can tell a story) let me tell you how this went down. After 2 years of feeling on the edge and wondering were my brain went I really started to slip. About 4 months ago, after I figured I REALLY should have been doing better after having Kate, things got icky, in my brain. I wasn't coping. I couldn't do anything. I mean anything without it feeling totally overwhelming. And if I did start something it was nearly impossible to finish. Not a good thing when I have a "completed project" type job.

Then the bad thoughts started coming. The kind of thoughts like, "hey, if I got hit by a bus right now (and yes, died) it wouldn't be that bad." The first time I had this thought I wondered, "humm...that's a new one, never felt like that before" It wasn't like I wanted to jump in front of the bus. Or be driving the bus. I didn't feel like causing and deadly accident or actually hurting myself. But it was a very real and clear thought that it would be okay if something fatal happened to me. Then the thoughts happened more often, like every week. Then every day.

Then I stopped.

These are not normal thoughts. Not good thoughts. They are not okay. And I needed to stop having them. I went to my doctor and he totally understood, diagnosed me with PPD and put me on Lexapro. Within hours I started feeling better. (and yes it's probably in my head that I started feeling better so quickly, but it was in my head that I felt crappy so it works out)

I'm now medicated and things are better. Clear. Hadn't realized how fuzzy the last 2 years have been, since I had Sarah. I've all but lost them. I don't really remember anything of Sarah being 1 (which bites ass because I love 1 year olds). I was pregnant with Kate during that time and I was, not myself.

I'm SO thankful that I didn't have any negative feelings towards my children. I never resented them. I never felt like hurting them. I never felt like I wasn't taking good care of them. I never stopped loving them. For that I'm lucky. Not everyone who has PPD is so lucky.

My children are truly a joy to me now. It's nice being able to watch them without the fog. Damn they're cute! They continued growing and learning and being funny and adorable while I was fuzzy. Well I'm fuzzy no more and I'm so grateful for that. I'd hate to have lost anymore time with them.

So I'm back, and ready to carry on. Many funny things have happened while I was away that I'll try to get out of my brain and make funny here. I'm feeling better but don't hold your breathe on that last part! ;)

once again

He let me sleep in again. Wonder what he wants! hahaha

Or maybe he did because he knows I've been working my tail off, 12 hour days at my 'real' job, working on my next class, and back to back all nighters at the sb store. Maybe he's just a really nice guy who, after 4 years together, has decided he'll get up with the kids so I can rest.

nah...he wants something :)

what is she thinking?!?!

Do you ever wonder WTH people are thinking when they same/do something? Oh, dumb question, I know you do. This story (rant) is about someone who's clearly not getting it.

As an electrical designer, one of my jobs is to design lighting and control systems for lighting. One of my big jobs, which hasn't been going smoothly for many reasons, is REALLY behind schedule. It's a big fancy gold clubhouse building for the uber rich in California. We're pluggin away on this job when the architect (in the middle/end of the job) to hire a lighting designer. AHEM! okay THAT'S MY JOB!

Great! So now I have to try and coordinate with this lady, We'll call her "J". Well we're still plugging away but I'm not getting any information from J. This is holding me up and I have to stop work on the job. I write emails to my client telling them that I have to have this info before I can continue work.

they ignore me.

Then I get an email with a new deadline. They (the architect) want the job in 6 days. HAHAHAHAAAAaaa....yeah that's rich. I email back that I can't make that deadline because I haven't seen anything from J (who - get this - is getting an INSANE amount of money) I remind them that I'm not working on it right now and that I'll need AT LEAST 2 weeks to finish AFTER I get all the info from her.

so we have a conference call.

It's me, the architect and J. For an hour we discuss who's doing what (or how much she's NOT doing) and the issues I see with the changes she's made to the lighting design. Bottom line though - we need to finish this job THIS MONTH (issues with the city and some hearing on the job that requires this job be finished by the end of the month)

So we're finalizing some decisions we've made, changed some of her design and get to down and dirty on schedule. This is how the convo goes. This was yesterday at 6:00 pm)

Me: "Okay I'll need 2 weeks after the J is done. So J, can I get your info tomorrow? That will put me done on the 26 so we can submit before the end of the month."
J: "Can't tomorrow, I'll have to pick up all these changes. It will have to be Monday. We work half days on Friday."

WTF!?!?! HALF DAYS!!!!!!!!!! unbelievable. Thank God her client was on the phone. He sure found out where he stands on her schedule.

and I was all set to yell at him

Had a morning. Really it was the kind I'd expected, while I was expecting, to have every morning. I haven't had many those. We've gotten into pretty good routine, morning wise, so - believe it or not - it's pretty orderly here first thing.

Today wasn't like that however. Started off with Peter waking up a little late. That throws everything off. Mainly because when he's late, I'm a little late. He also pulls the, "I've got to get off to work NOW" card, which I hate. The few things (okay the one thing) he does in the morning to help, which is to get Noah's cereal going, doesn't get done. Or well it gets done, just not by him. Can you guess who does it? ***waving*** yeah, that would be me. Not only is he bookin' outta here he asks if I can drop his drycleaning off. He's too busy. I'm slightly annoyed but hey, I suck it up and agree. This isn't a big thing right? nah.

It also throws Noah off a little when we wake up late. Not completely sure why. Though I suspect it's because Peter and I are both cranky and he feeds off that. So now he's giving me a hard time. "these shoes are uncomfortable" (turns out one was the wrong size HAHAHAA) "I don't want my hair spiked", "I don't know where I left my lunchbox" ERR!

Carpool finally comes and he's off. phew! Things are easy from here on out. Usually. The girls, without the energy and distraction of the boy, are easy.

uh huh...

I take a shower. Do my face and hair as per usual. It's all good. Kate's awake. Actually has been since before Peter. She's hangin in the swing. Still good.

Then I enter...Sarah's room. yeah...things go south from here on out.

Have I mentioned Sarah's newest 'thing'? Don't think I have. NO! I have. The thing were she gets all nekid in the morning! That thing. Remember it? yeeeeah......well it happened. Being without her clothes colided with a bowel movement.

niiiiiiiiiiice

2 baths, 2 washclothes, and 20 minutes later - she's clean. Yeah, that was fun.

Meanwhile, Kate's totally pissed off and screaming at me when peter calls. "can't talk now, sarah played in her crap. It's all over. Kate's mad, I'll call you back!" click. Then I can't find the Sarah's new medicine. ERR!!

I'd really been okay until now. I had. I wasn't only slightly annoyed with Peter about the dry cleaning and the cereal thing. I'd planned on mentioning to him about how my work day is just as important as his and just because he's late that I shouldn't be expected to do what normally he does. But not finding the medicine just did it for me. Now I'm angry. So is Kate, who is still screaming bloody murder.

I call Peter, "WHERE THE MEDICINE?!", Poor him. "in the fridge." "NO IT'S NOT", "It should be, it was there this morning." (he's all calm - me not so much) "THAT WAS THE SCHOOL MEDICINE!!", "no, it's in there"

it's in there. whoops. "yeah, okay it is. sorry, gotta run"

I'm able to wrap up the morning. I get Sarah to school. Drop of the dry cleaning. Feed Kate. Put her down. Now I'm ready to call Peter. Remember, I'd planned on talking to him about wisking out of here when he's late. Now I just needed to include a prelude of, "I'm sorry I freaked about the medicine" before our chat. I'm set to go. This will be good.

Ring, He picks up, "hey babe, (got caller ID at work) you've had a mornin' eh?"
Me, "yeah"
Him, "I'm not even going to ask how the kids were. How bad's the room"
Me, "oh eek, I didn't even have the energy to look. But I think it was mostly on her"
Him, "okay well I'll clean it when I get home"
Me, "cool, thanks. Hey? I'm sorry I blew up at you about the medicine"
Him. "OH NO! It's totally fine!! don't give that a second thought. I would have been WAY worse than that. Your were totally fine!!! I understand. You've had quite a morning, and it's not even 9 yet"

aaaaaaaawwwww..... and DRAT! How can I be mad now?!!?

Funny, how we (or maybe just me) need validation. That's what it came down to. Being acknowledged for having too much to do, and still doing it.

It's all good. :)

my own personal yo-yo

I tell you what, I am a drama queen. Who knew? That or I've got a serious chemical imbalance. Whatever it is I need to figure it out, and fast! I'm making myself nutso.

Yesterday was a bad day. Too much work. waaaaaaaaaay too much. Panic city. I cried through it all. Even to clients (this is not recommended practice) My boss even called me on it. "Were you about to cry?" yikes...Like THAT helps. Anyway, worked until midnight, until I couldn't see anymore. Then got up and will do it again tonight.

I made a list last night. It - I kid you not - made me hyperventilate! 15 items long. Some easy, like "Call Dan and verify the changes to the theatrical lighting." Most, not so easy. Like, "start and finish job by Monday, The one with 300 manhours allowed to it. The one you still don't have all the info you need. so make shit up" Yeah, those are fun ones.

I've managed to get a few things off my desk today. This is a good thing. Hopefully, tonight I'll get one or two more done. By the time the week is over I should be able to actually work on that big job, the one I don't have the info on! haha

such is my life.

If only I was alone in my drama and busyness. I do realize that all y'all are just as busy. You just probably don't freak out and cry like I do. I wish I were like that! But then what would Peter do all day if he didn't have to continually talk me down??? *wink*

Do you ever feel like you've got so much to say, some of it actually funny, or insightful, or clever? Then when you sit down to write (or blog) it down it's *POOF* gone?

just wondering...

what a nice day

I love holidays. (who doesn't?) I love getting paid for spending time with my family. I love staying up too late on a 'school night' and not worrying about having to get up for work. I love the short work week that follows my day of relaxation.

Today, though, was extra special. Today I got to sleep in. Not really sure how I swung it. Not really sure why Peter got up with the kids at let me sleep. But he did. And I LOVED it. I haven't slept in like that for years. It was wonderful.

The day continued to be nice. Set up our nano salt water tank. This setup (our second tank) had to have a custom lighting unit. So we are officially fish geeks. We discussed this new status and we agree, we're okay with it. This tank will be our quarantine tank for a while, currently housing 'dory' for her month of isolation before transfer into our display. Then we're thinking of making it a sea horse tank. That should be fun. Yeah, geeks.

Bro is over tonight. He's still bumming from the breakup of his recent love. Man, he's got some bad luck. Sucks too cause he's a GREAT guy. *shrug* Wish I could hook him up.

The night is winding down. Peter's off reading to Noah. Kate's taking her evening nappy. Sarah's giving Michael (bro) a run for his money. She's cranky because she's getting tired. I'd better give him some backup.

Hope your Labor Day was filled with anything but labor (unless you're ready to have a baby! then LABOR AWAY!)

my heart is full

Ya know, I've had a hard time of it lately. I know you know. It's been pretty obvious. And heaven knows I haven't hid it. Things have been hard. I don't feel right. It's been confusing and frustrating and I haven't liked it. Shoot, I haven't liked myself a whole lot lately, much less my behavior. I haven't felt much like a good person. This has been hard for me because, for the first time in 30 some years I'd felt like I had kinda gotten there. That I had finally figured out how to be, nice. And now it's gone. just gone.

I've blamed it on being pregnant. And Nursing. And Pregnant again. And not getting over being pregnant when I got pregnant again. and so on...

Funny though. Turns out that wasn't it at all. I mean the babies have taken a toll on me. No question. What was really going on was much bigger. Way big. The kind of big the entire world struggles with knowing. The big G.

God.

I've missed Him. Missed the Son too. And without my hearing those big guys the Holy Spirit is darn near impossible to hear. I listened today though. And it's done wonders. Let me back up a bit. Back to last night.

Peter walks in the room and proclaims that he's "getting up for mass in the morning". Huh? I can't go? I ask. Of course I can go. But he's going for sure. This is the kick in the pants I need. He took Noah last week. I'd managed to talk myself out of getting up. Even for him that was the second time he'd gone since Kate was born. We went about 3 months ago. So he tells me he's going and I agree I want to go too.

8:30 am Mass arrives early. The alarm goes off and Peter mumbles, "let's go to the next one." OKay...fine. I Roll over and go back to sleep. This, for the past 6 months, is the beginning of the "skipping church" dance. I know it. He knows it. We just don't discuss it. Although it's hard to get up we prefer the 8:30 to the 10:15. It's less crowded.

I manage to get up though. 8:15 and I'm out of the shower. Dodge my first "skip Mass" bullet. We're all getting ready when Sarah wakes. He nose is thick and green again. CRAP. The medication, the new medication, has already stopped working and her alergies about back in full swing. Poor thing.

Bullet number 2: locked and loaded. We can't take her to nursery like that. I mean how fair is that to those poor volunteers who'll have to wipe her nasty nose every 3 minutes? Peter suggests I go and leave him with the girls. I hate going to Mass by myself. I convince him that we (since we know full well) can convince the nursery person that she does not have a cold. That she is not contagious. And that it's only allergies.

We load up and off we go. I think I actually see bullet #2 zip by me.

What's even more amazing that we've arrived at church is that we've arrived early. Pretty much unheard of for us. The girls were both freshly bathed even. This is a good thing. Time to unload.

Walking up things don't look right. Seems like I see people walking back from nursey with kids in tow. huh? That's weird. Did I see the 'nursery open' sign in front? I can't remember. Oh, I sure hope that poor single looking guy walking towards me with 4 kids hanging off him really wants to take all his kids to Mass. Don't tell me they aren't open today. Don't tell me that. I need to go to Mass today. Need.

"They aren't open today", the single looking man tells me. "no 'adult' to work" He quotes his fingers like that, "adult." Which normally doesn't bother me but for some reason strikes me as odd. Like what kind of volunteer are we going to let back there, a "kid"?

We're screwed. Bullet #3 just nailed me. We don't do Mass with Sarah. It just ain't gonna happen. She's a mess and it's a nightmare for everyone. We start back to the car, heads down and beaten. I'm crushed.

I really needed Mass today.

Peter suggests I go by myself. He'll pick me up in an hour. This is usually something I hate doing, going to church alone. It's not like we talk or whatever. But there are 2 times in a Catholic Mass that I like sharing with him. The first is when we share a sign of peace with those around us. The second is when the entire congragation holds hands and recites "The Lord's Prayer." Oh and well I really like discussin the readings and Homily with him over breakfast.

Any other day I might has said "No, I'll just go home with you." Today I didn't. I didn't even miss a beat. I agreed I'd stay and let him pick me up. We also decided Kate would come with me. Off we went.

Boy am I glad I made that choice. Mass was amazing. The Eucharist filled me up in a way only receiving the Lord can. I was home and it felt good. I felt whole. My heart felt full again. I can feel the Holy Spirit again. I can hear the gentle God whispers I'd forgotten how to listen for. I remember what it feels like to be fulfilled and to be made new again. I remember what it feels like to love myself and to feel the love my Father has for me. I was a good morning.

Funny how you can not even realize something is empty until you fill it back up.

saturday morning

This is what I wake to every morning. Or well almost. Sarah's in her crib, not on 'the big chair'. And she's usually completely nekid. This is a new thing for her. Striping down to nothin' and playing with the toys in her bed. I fear the day she had a BM :0

So she's got a thing for going commando. Kinda funny actually (for now) Time to start our day. I get her up, put her in a diaper and let her run wild for a bit before breakfast (which is Eggo's today yum). Peter's been working Saturday mornings. Kinda sucks. For him though more than me. I miss having him here but with Noah his Dad's this weekend it's nice to havin it be just the girls.

Anyway, caught this shot as Sarah sat reading, or should I say "turning"? HAHA She's such a ham. Wonder where she gets that!

Oh! And what'dya think of that hair? Nice huh???

on all 8

aah....it's been a good day. Been a long time since I've felt like me. Like my brain actually works. But today, well today I was firing on all 8.

Woke up early (had to, I had carpool) and got everyone to where they needed to be on time. Early even. Came back home and was working by 7:50am. That's crazy early, even when I did have a brain. Worked all morning then headed to the office to catch a ride with the boss.

I had an important meeting with the building community of a church I'm doing the electrical design for. We didn't know what we were walking into, other than "they don't think they need that lighting". crazy. I hate walking into meetings blind like that. I mean, what don't you like? Is it the physical look of the fixtures? Is it the glare? Is it the cost??? WHAT?

Our client totally had our back and we ended up getting the go ahead to keep the system we designed that will actually work. Funny, since that's what they hired us to do in the first place. But I guess sometimes it takes some face to face time to convince people of that. ah well...it worked.

Anyway, got home after that and worked more, returned calls, and set up the rest of the week. Helped Noah with his homework. Picked up the girls and played with them for a while. Had them pick up their rooms. Then the living room. I cleaned the kitchen and family room. Let them watch cartoons while I mopped. Fed them. Watch a bit of scooby doo (man is that bad). Bathed them and got them to bed.

Then Peter got home. Month end for him so it's crazy busy. Handed Kate off to him after he ate dinner. Now it's 'my' time.

So decided my kitchen needed a little shelf. So I found one I'd been holding onto for some reason, this reason it turns out. Painted hit. Hung it. And put the phone, our daily meds, and tissues on it. Looks like it'll work.



I feel sharp. I will get it back. Peter's right. I will. And today I actually believe that!

yeah...that feels good.

bye bye bassinet

My little one, Kate, has grown out of the bassinet. She's 4 1/2 months now and we've moved her to her own bed.

aaah....How sweet is she?

She'll be in with Sarah eventually. But for now she's in a pack'n'play thingie in my scrapbook room. We're 'testing it out' for a couple days/weeks first waiting to see how she does. We're hoping they'll both sleep in there without waking the other one up. We'll see. Kate's super quiet. Sarah's loud! haha My biggest problem, though, is keeping big brother outta there. He's alway so excited to play with his sisters.

I'll be packing up the bassinet today. It's seen a lot of love in it's life. I bought it from my neighbor when I was pregnant with Sarah. She'd used it for her 2nd born. I kept it for Kate and now I'm going to donate it to the children's ministry at my church. So it will continue to keep safe and warm another beautiful little life. I wonder how many more babies will sleep in it. Kinda makes me wish I could put Lo-Jack on it or something, so I can track it's whereabouts! haha

Bittersweet day. I'd figured it would hurt more...Kate being my last n'all. But it's really not. Dare I say it's almost exciting. Something about my babies growing up that...well...makes me feel...warm.

I like feeling warm.

man i hate that

ugh...Don't you just hate it when your husband is mad at you? Especially when he's got every right to be? dammit. I keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I can't seem to stop. It's maddening - for everyone.

Not to worry, it's not big mistakes I'm making. So I don't expect he'll be seeing a lawyer any time soon. But still. I've got to stop. I've got to find a way to pull it together and stop being...well...a bitch.

I wasn't ever perfect, mind you. But man! These children have taken a toll of my brain. Big time. I wouldn't trade them to get my brain back. But I need to somehow regenerate what's lost. Rebuilt it somehow.

Maybe meds.

Probably shouldn't come vent on the internet. But who reads this anyway? And I needed to put it down out there that I know I'm wrong. Even if he doesn't believe me (yet) maybe some anonomous person out there will. *wink*

m

he's sleeping with them

Sleeping with what you ask? Well his two-1st place metals of course!


It was one of those days. The kind you wish for as a parent. The kind of day that ends with sore cheeks for smiling.

Noah competed in a karate tournament on Saturday. This was his 3rd in a year and it had double the number of competitors in his division, many of them a slightly higher belt rank. Having not attend practice consistantly for months I was worried he would perform poorly and end up disappointed. Man, was I wrong.

He did fantastic!!!

I've never seen him so sharp, confident and ready to knock'em dead. But that's what he did. The minute he walked into the ring I could tell he was on fire. He marched up pride and ready to wow the judges. He flew through his form effortlessly and without hesitation. If he made a mistake I didn't see it.

There were about (25) 6-8 year olds in the group. They awarded 5 of each award. I didn't realize they were going to do that and figured he was going to take 3rd, as I was adding the scores as they were shown. I was pleased with 3rd. There were 2 others who did exceptionally well and deserved a higher score. So when they pulled 5 kids for the blue ribbon I was tickled!

And so was Noah! :)

Then he was to compete in sparring. This doesn't come as naturally to him. He's not very aggressive and tends to think more on form and technique (which is good)and get hammered by his glumsy aggresive opponent. It didn't help that he's only sparred 2 times in the last 5 months. Having Kate has taken its toll on my schedule. Karate was one of the first things to go.

He loves sparring so we entered him in that just for practice. There were about 12 in his sparring group and he finished first in that as well. Didn't lose a bout. I, seriously, could not have been more proud of him.

We all floated home. He's still pretty much on cloud 9.

My news for the weekend will need to wait. Today I'm thinking, praying, and lighting a candle for a little boy who will be going heaven soon.

Through twopeasinabucket NSBR message board we've all got to know Tanya and the battle her son, Colin, has fought with cancer. A battle that will be ending today.

My heart aches for them. I cannot fathom...

laying in wait

Our neighbors take Noah and their two kids to school in the morning. I pickup. It works out pretty well I think. Picking up is kinda a drag because you have to wait so long. It's a 30 minute wait no matter how you look at it.

I usually read. Right now it's the Darwin Awards. Funny stuff (in a pathetic sorta way.)

But the other day I had my camera with me so I pulled Kate out of the carseat and plopped her down on the passenger seat. This is one of the many (many) pictures I took. I kinda like it. She's pretty damn cute :) But then I'm require, by law, to think so! *wink*

p.s. she's not flipping me off is she???

sarah's two!

How in the world did that happen? Really, 2 years? wow. That's crazy fast. Although I don't know why I'm surprised, it's not like I didn't have a whole other baby! haha



Here she is at the inpromptu party we had at Peter Piper. How did the world go around without that place. Man they make it easy for me to procrastinate.

We had a nice time. Sarah especially. Loves all her little girly things. Yeah, I get her girly things. Surprises me a little bit to as I'm not much of a girly girly. But she loves dolls and purses and baby stuff...so I buy it for her. So maternal. (of her I mean!)

he's a keeper.

Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary and man is my husband a keeper. Not because of these BEAUTIFUL flowers he sent that have the longest stems I've ever seen. Or because he's taking me out Saturday.
He does a million things every day. He laughs at my jokes. He understands when I'm sad or flustered or pissed or overwhelmed. He know just what to say to talk me down from any of the many things that I need talked down from.

But because, today, in the card that came with my flowers, he said something that reminded me (not that I necessarily need a reminder) of why he's such a good guy.

He said 'thanks.'

Thank you, Peter, thank you.

i figured it out

and I did it all by my little ole self! go meee go meee!!!
I can post a picture in my blog. This, a simple task for many, is mind blowing for me. Funny...isn't it? how someone who spends all day on a computer drafting swiftly and accurately with a very sophisticated computer program that costs well over 3 grand to buy has such a hard time with simple things like hosting a picture online.

funny...as is stupid. HAHA

anyway, This is my first picture on my blog. My son. How handsome is he?

back to the grind

aahhh...and I feels good. I am super habitual. Always have been. I would get the same meal at that same restuarant every day if I could. It's frightening almost.

But between having Kate, taking my maternity leave and having Noah home for the summer things have been...well...wacked! While I've loved - individually - all the crazy things that have been going on in my life, having them overlap has been hard. Very hard. Then I probably didn't need to say that. It's been pretty obvious that I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Things are on the mend now though. My brain is starting to clear. School has got me back on a schedule (that starts before 10am! HAHA), I'm over being sad about no longer nursing, and I'm actually looking forward to working (not that I HAVEN'T been working mind you)

That said, I have to run. Kate needs a bottle :)

it's a good day

Today is a good day. My very dear friend, Kaelene, has moved back to AZ from Salt Lake and I couldn't be happier. She's been gone far too long. 4 years to be exact. I've missed her.

She's coming over tonight to scrapbook with me. Just like the good ole days. WOO HOO! After we eat dinner, catch up on things, hit the scrapbook store, (and sneak in some dessert) we might actually get something done. HA! Who am I kidding! We won't get a damn thing done. And that's just as it should be.

It's good to have her back! :)

out and about

Just got back from hitting my old stomping groud in Tempe. Pretty fun. Kinda surreal. Definately didn't make me wanna change anything about my life. Not that I expected it to.

You see, I've been going out on Thursday night with my girlfriend, Lori, for humm....probably 10 years now. At first it was ALL party party party. Then I got pregnant and it was walking around the block to maintain my blood sugar levels and watching ER. Then it was just getting dinner and watching ER. Well now that I'm FINALLY done with being pregnant and nursing it's more like get outta the house, have dinner, and grab a drink or two somewhere (we've yet to find a bar that we like but that's another story)

So tonight was no different. We went to Gecko Grill. This AMAZING mexican place where I always get the "shrimp mango queeeeesadeeeeeeeeeeella" (yeah I say it like that) DAMN is that thing good. It's IS....heaven...in a torrrrrteeeeeeeeya. Love it. Then we try a new bar across town. It's alright. Nothing to write home about. But it's just me and her and getting away from things so there's no reason to find someplace worthy of writing home about.

We're sitting there havin' a drink and we decide (err...well okay...*I* decide) that we should check out "my old bar." Casey Moore's. It's this old HAUNTED 3 story building turning to seafood restaurant/bar. It's near the heart of college town Tempe and is usually packed. I hadn't been there for well over 3 years and man had things changed.

Or well maybe not so much. They did do a HUGE patio expantion that at least tripled their space. They added a bar out there and everything. Pretty cool. But inside was still the same. The bartenders still daunted the white dress shirt and cinched up tie. The bathroom still only had two stalls but for some reason never really had a line. I was still able to walk in while it was completely packed and find 2 open chairs at the corner of the bar just like I like. Something about that place always welcomed me. I felt like Norm.

Had a couple beers. Watched the young Tempe freaks hitting on each other. Asked the bartender if Gavin was still there? (he is) How about Rod and his new wife? (nope, married with child in Colorado) Aaron, the door guy? (moved to NY and fell off the face of the planet) And Biker? (just missed him) It was nice knowing that I wasn't the only person thinking about these old friends. Glad I went. Glad I talked to the bartender.

Glad to be home.

36 years and I just found out

that I'm a drama queen. How did I not know this.

I mean I'm emotional. Freely admit that. A 30 second tv commercial can get me crying. Forget about Extreme Makeover Home Edition!!!

I also tend to get really frazzled about the stresses in my life and wonder (aloud) how I'm going to cope.

but drama queen??? or is that what a drama queen does?

seen it all now

So last Saturday night, after scrapping, I decided to get a beer at the bar down the road. Since I lost my milk :( it's something I can do. And since Peter's always asleep when I get home from the store I knew he wouldn't miss me.

It's late, like midnight, when I get there. There's a band playing and lots of people. I take a seat at the bar right next to the waitress station with my back to the band. I order my drink, pull a pen out of my purse, grab some napkins and start jotting down some notes/sketches that just popped into my mind for some new pages.

So there I sit, winding down, having a beer, joting down notes and minding my own business when I hear someone order something I'd never heard of. For some reason this catches my attention and I watch the bartender mix the drink. She poured a shot of Jagermeister and opened a Red Bull. WHAT? I thought. This is a bar? redbull? I've seen it all now. Then she poured half the RedBull into a largeish on-the-rocks glass and handed both the glass and the shot to the man next to me who ordered this...Catastrophe.

You drink it just like a boilermaker apparently. Drop the shot in the glass, let it mix/fuzz for a second and them slam it. I asked the guy if it tastes like Jager (which I hate) and he said no, that it was good. "All the sugar in the RedBull balances out the jager" he says.

Yeah, I'll take his word for it.

prepared?

Did I say I was prepared for the first day of school??? WHAT WAS I THINKING???

It's 12:30 pm. or is this am? AM I think. I can never get that straight. It's THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! LOL I'm super hot and dripping with sweat as I just spent the last 2 hours scrubbing to death 30 white canvas bags that have been pretreated and soaking in a bleach bath for an hour. Why you say? Well, you see, we have these mandatory 'volunteer hours' for my son's (private Catholic) school and at the end of the year last year, in an attempt to be proactive about my necessary hours rather than putting them off till the last month like I had done the previous year, I agreed to wash the chair pockets for the Kinder teacher. Easy enough right?

yeah, right.

I tossed them in the washer and ran it. Then a ran it again just to be sure they were nice and extra clean. Aren't I clever? As I transferred them to the dryer I found a couple pencils. Now a smart person would have stopped everything and carefully checked each and every pocket for stray items, right? Riiiiight! Do I do this simple task? OH no ... Not me! I just pick up a handfull and 'bend' them checking for pencils. No cracking sound? Not stiff? We're good to go.

Didn't think about the crayons.

Yeah, crayons. Or well one crayon to be accurate. One very black crayon. Did I mention these were white bags? Yeah, let's not forget that. So yeah, these things looked TERRIBLE. Simply terrible. All but ruined. There was NO WAY I was returning these bags looking like this. Hell, I was already trying to cost out how much it was going to be to replace them. Who really knows how much canvas chair pockets run these days? LOL

So I bleached. and soaked and bleached again. All in preparation for 'the scrub.'

2 hours of scrubbing, to be exact. Two.

I just pulled them from the washer, out of their "whitest white, extra soak, extra rinse, heavy soiled" wash cycle and I'll admit, they look okay.

Clorox (oh well and mucho elbow grease) saves the day. So much for being prepared.

it's that time again

I say that like this school stuff is old hat to me. HA! yeah right. I, at 8pm, just got back from Target finishing up the school shopping. Had to make a second trip for supplies because the pencil bag I got wasn't big enough. Einstein that I am didn't think to put the pens and pencils in the box WHILE AT THE STORE! Not like I didn' t have them all in my fancy little cart. ah well...such is my life.

So, I think we're ready for school. Well I know *I'm* ready...and I think we're even prepared. School shopping is fun. Heck, school supplies are fun. Papers, pens, Elmer's, notebooks, they are right up there with things I love. The smell. The texture. The sound. I swear I started scrapbooking just so I could fiddle with paper and glue.

Noah and I had a good time finding our required items and checking them off the list. His teacher seems to be (we haven't met yet *shrug*) very exact. Our list was very specific. Which bugged Peter a little but I liked. He obviously hasn't done the school shopping before because when you're standing in front of a literal WALL of Crayolas it's WAY easier to find the "24 pack of crayons."

Can I just say that backpacks now-a-days are cool. All those compartments and zippers and pouches. Love them. I wanted to buy one for myself just so I could fill it up with my personal stash of paper and glue.

phew! that was fun!!!

Well I'm back from CKU-A in Provo, UT. And WOW What a blast. It was my second CKU and I have to say, I loved Album so much more than the standard CKU. I can't wait to go again. I was so so so much better than I imagined.

My main class, or "track" as it's called was "A week in the life" taught by Ali Edwards. It was amazing. She was amazing. So laid back and smart and funny and real. I (I'll admit) wanted to be her. How silly is that!?!?

But back to the class, before attending we were to document our lives for week. We were to carry our camera around and shoot everything. We were to write down what we ate during the day, what we observed, what we were grateful for and gather 'stuff' that accumulated during the week.

yeah...I did do all that. haha imma loser. I started on Monday and was sick of it by Tuesday afternoon. It was HARD!!! But I did get enough to capture what happens during my week. And I'm habitual enough to fill in the blanks. There's something to be said about doing the same thing day in and day out.

aaaaanyway, this album was intense. It was intricate and very personal. And I FINISHED IT! simply love it. It's simple and so not 'deep', which I love. It has nearly nothing about my kids, or work, or Peter or my friends. It's about ME. All the little things that make up me. My need for visine in the morning. How I eat the same breakfast E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E D-A-Y. How I'm grateful for cubed ice and scented candles. You know, the important stuff :) It's silly and fun and light and could'nt have had it any other way.

So I'm back and trying to get into the groove of real life after so carefully scrapbooking my 'real' life. And after freaking out on my email buddies (sorry y'all) about the mess I came home to I'm feeling okay and ready to start again.

like I said, phew! That was fun :)

you want how much?

As some of you know, I'm completely addicted to CraigsList.com. It' s mainly my love for furniture that keeps me coming back again and again. What I find interesting about that site (and if you don't know - it's pretty much an online garage sale) is what people will sell. Or, more accurately, the VALUE people place on their crap.

and some of it's down right CRAP.

How much would you expect to pay for someone else's crap? You might be surprised at how much people are asking for (and not negotiating) their trash. Mind you, I might not think it's crap. I may actually want it. But that doesn't mean I'm going to pay retail for it. Hell, I'm not going to pay HALF retail for it. Or a quarter retail. And frankly, I don't care WHAT you paid for it. Could give a RAT'S ASS. What you paid for it has NOTHING to do with what I'm willing to pay. Or for what the item is actually WORTH! So don't even tell me, I don't care!

I'll offer you what it's worth...same as I would if I drove up to your yard sale and you were sitting in the heat wishing the day was over so you could close the garage door, get a cold beer, order a pizza, bitch about how cheap people are and berating your wife because it was her idea to buy furniture in the first place.

And don't go thinking you're not cheap too. If you weren't cheap your punk ass wouldn't be listing your junk online hoping to recoop a little mula because you got a crappy deal and The Room Store. You're as cheap as the rest of us. So get over your bad self and list that raggety old couch and lamp set for what it's worth. In case you don't know. A couch is 100 bucks MAX, that's in perfect condidtion and without a big dip where your fat ass always sat. If it's in shitty condition (and YES, rips and wear on the arms means it's in shittign condition) it's 50...if not 35. And a lamp is 10 bucks, 15 MAX. NOT 50 - ever.

get over it.

"junior's dad was smooshed and died"

Yep, that's what he said. My 6 year old little boy who, because of his dad likes Nascar, calmly explained to me that his favorite driver "Junior's Dad" is still his favorite. This is despite the fact that he isn't driving anymore because he "ran into a wall and was smooshed and died".

When he got a little sad that he would never see his favorite driver on the track again he said, "but it's okay Mommy because he's right here next to me. Everyone in Heaven is right here next to me. Junior's Dad, my grandmas, God and Jesus too." Our conversation about a terrible car crash ended with my son, and me, quietly smiling about all those 'by our side.'

Today I felt like I've done something right. I needed that.

I've decided

I need to take more pictures. Those amazing kind that people gasp when they see. The kind that really capture the essense of the subject and still look arty at the same time.

I need to do that.

I sure wish I knew how to do that.

aahhh...cake.

Funny how something as nasty as lemons (yeah okay I don't like lemons, hate me!) can be turned into something so wonderful as this lemon bundt cake masterpiece that can be found at Costco for a mere $7.50. Or was it $6.49? OH well anyway...this stuff is GREAT.

My friend, Kerry, hooked me up with this delightful blend of sugar and lemon and fat. Well I call her my friend but if she was really my friend she would never have done something so evil as give me this. I mean REALLY! She KNOWS I can't resist sweets (not that I've ever tried!) She KNOWS I'm completely obsessive compulsive. These are two traits which don't blend well. Or blend TOO WELL depending on which side of the fork you're on.

Anyway, this cake is proof that you can make anything taste good if you add enough sugar and fat. (or cheese and fat if you're broccoli, but that's another post)

still laughing

I just read yesterday's post again. Damn that's funny. What's really amazing is that in all those words there is only ONE period - swear - I checked! HAHAHaa.... I think that's hysterical.

What's even funnier (odd funny, not funny haha) is that having no periods didn't even bother me. I can almost see this guy standing in the dark behind safeway telling this story to no one and doing it without taking a breath.

Well it's lunch and Kate's hungry. Time I stop surfing CL is feed the chillins.

So I can't sleep and I'm cruising around on Craigslist.com - my new addiction! Anyway, there's a "best of" section that has tons of funny crap. Yesterday's funny was a little long for here but this one was perfect! Enjoy! :)

This is a true story swear to God

I work at Safeway in Strawberry and last night around 1:30am I was putting out the last of the empty veggie crates out back and I here this PSSSSST coming from somewhere in the parking lot and a few seconds later a woman in her mid-thirties peeks her head from the driver window of her car about 15 yards away and says SO ARE YOU DOWN WITH THE LADIES and I was all WHAT? and she says YOU HEARD ME and I say I GUESS SO, WHY and she says BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE and I didn't know what to say so she gets out of her car and walks towards me and I can see as she gets closer that she is beautiful except for the WHOLE LEFT SIDE OF HER SCALP IS SHAVED AND THE OTHER HALF IS FEATHERED SHOULDER LENGTH just like Kristy McNichol way back when and she's holding two huge tweezers - swear - like the biggest tweezers you have EVER SEEN and they are hooked together by a thick black cord and I started to freak inside a little bit thinking this is not the way I want to die out back behind Safeway smelling like rotten spinach leaves and bludgeoned to death by a pair of tweezers so I say WHAT'S UP? in a deep voice and she keeps walking towards me and when she's about 10 feet away she says with a smile THIS LADY NEEDS A JUMP START and lifts up the tweezers and I see that it's actually just a pair of jumper cables and inside I was like OH MY GOD I'M A MORON and exhaled a deep breath and say SURE so I grab my truck and drive it next to hers and help her jump her car but I was too afraid to ask what's up with the half shaved scalp before she winked and said THANKS MAN and drove off. Anyway back to cruising the personals just thought I'd give you a break.

it's official

I can't keep up.

Not sure how it happened...that I keep falling behind. But it does. It's maddening and frustrating and confusing all at the same time.

I tell myself, and my boss who's frustrated that my #'s are down, and my husband who's angry because SRP came to the door, and friends who NEVER get thank you notes from me, and the lawn man who wants paid - for the last 2 months, and the dry cleaner who's doing a rush order "for the last time this time" for me because I forgot to drop of Peter's shirts 2 days ago, that I'll do better. I tell them all that it's because I've been pregnant for 2 years. I say it again and again like someday it will become truth.

I lie to myself that between Kindergarden and karate and dentists and shots and meetings and work and play and this and the other thing that I'll somehow get it all done.

then I forget...

then it's too late....

and I beat myself up.
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how do y'all do it? How do you update your blogs with amazing and funny or touching and heartfelt stories? How do you cook meals for your family that include all the food groups? Or hell, even half of the food groups? How do you handmake incredibly thoughtful gifts to give to your friends and family for no other reason than they are around? How do you keep your car clean, your house clean, your children clean, your SELF clean??? How do you reply to every RSVP, send out birthday cards, thank you cards, Christmas cards, baby shower cards, wedding cards, graduation cards, thinking of you cards, just for the halibut cards????? aauughhh!!!

how? I can't do it. I can't do HALF of it.

....yeah...it's been an overwhelming day. or decade.

test

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